


Choices

by Septdeneuf



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, M/M, Medical Procedures, Medicine, Mpreg, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 04:04:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2334608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Septdeneuf/pseuds/Septdeneuf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Compared to what the machine's screen was showing now, testicular cancer seemed like a somewhat mild threat to his masculinity, really." A realistic look at mpreg and all the problems that come with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sanji had really assumed Chopper squirting really fucking cold gel on his balls to use his new "seeing inside of people machine" would be the low point of his day. But at least that had proven he didn't have testicular cancer. Which Chopper had been worried about because of his blood tests. 

It was probably a blessing that Chopper hadn't told the cook about that suspicion before disproving it, because, damn. That was not a worry Sanji had appreciated entertaining even for a few seconds. He was very fond of his balls and really didn't like the idea of something happening to them. 

But compared to what the machine's screen was showing now, testicular cancer seemed like a comparably mild threat to his masculinity, really. 

"That… looks like…", Sanji started tentatively, but he didn't really want to finish the sentence. Because saying it out loud might make it real and not just a crazy machine malfunction and he knew he wasn't ready for that. 

"That doesn't make any sense", Chopper said, removing the machine's wand from Sanji's abdomen and looking at it critically. "That's weird." 

"Glad you agree", Sanji said. The image had vanished when Chopper had removed the wand but when he pressed it back down it reappeared in all its illogical glory. 

"How… but the machine can't be making this up… or can it?" The little doctor waved the wand around Sanji's stomach, smearing him with the annoying gel all over. "Everything else looks normal… spleen, liver… can't be the machine… but it also can't be what it looks like." 

Chopper returned to that spot a little to the left of Sanji's belly button and they both stared at the picture for a few more moments. The cook really wasn't an expert on any sort of medical thing and even less on the machine since it was the first time he saw it in action, but it it looked a lot like something it just couldn't be. 

"Then again that would explain the high levels of beta HCG…" Chopper mused. "It _is_ the hormone used for pregnancy tests, after all, and there's no tumor…"

"I… hate to point out the obvious here, Chopper, but, you know. I'm a guy." 

"I know that! This is completely crazy. You don't have some weird gender quirk that I don't know about, do you? No you don't, I just saw your testicles and they're perfectly fine." Chopper hopped from the chair he'd been sitting on and went to his book shelf.

Sanji honestly had no idea how to respond to that. His testicles were more than fine, they were very nice, thank you very much. But then again, looking back at the now empty screen of the sonn… sono… whatever it was called made him wonder that the hell was going on with him, there. 

"Have you… experienced any symptoms, any nausea, mood swings, amenorrhoea… no wait, forget the last one, that doesn't make sense", Chopper asked, staring at his book shelf without making a move to take out any book in particular.

Sanji thought back on the past few weeks. "A bit of nausea, maybe, but it was never really bad, I thought it was just from testing some ingredients." 

"Hm… well it might've been morning sickness, some women have it really badly, but some barely at all", Chopper trailed off and then shook his head violently as if trying to dislodge the thought. "No, what am I talking about? That doesn't make any sense." 

Chopper went back over to the examination cot and put the wand back on Sanji's stomach. At least the stupid gel had warmed up by now. The picture came back on and Chopper pressed a few buttons to make the image freeze. 

"Okay, let's look at this rationally, throwing around theories is stupid if we haven't even gathered all the facts, yet. So, let's go over this picture", Chopper said, turning his attention to the screen. "We're at the back of the peritoneum, close to the bifurcation of the aorta. There's a… foreign structure close to the left illiac artery" Chopper's brow furrowed. "Worryingly close, actually. It seems to have infiltrated the surrounding structures and" He pushed a button again, making the image unfreeze and then some red and blue colors started pulsing on the screen, some of it on the 'foreign object' as Chopper so charmingly put it. 

"And it's latched onto the blood supply, which is worrying. It also seems to be responsible for a hormone imbalance. Did I forget anything?" 

"Yes. Sort of the most pressing point", Sanji said hesitantly. "It looks like a baby." 

"No it doesn't, it looks like a fetus", Chopper immediately shot back. "But you're male and men can't get pregnant, so it probably isn't a fetus. It's much more likely a parasite that happens to look like one. And mess up your hormones in the exact same way…" 

"There are parasites like that?"

"Not that I've ever heard of, but then again this is the New World there could be lots of uncharted parasites around here that no one's ever written about", Chopper said thoughtfully. 

"So that's just as unlikely as a guy getting pregnant?", Sanji asked. Honestly he wasn't even sure why he was arguing in favor of it being a baby… or fetus, or whatever. He didn't believe in that, but maybe it was Chopper's insistence of the opposite that made him do it. 

"No, a parasite makes more sense", Chopper said. "But why would a parasite even look like that? Well if people think it's a fetus they might be less likely to get rid of it, but the sonogram is a really new invention, it couldn't have evolved to anticipate that, and other than that people wouldn't even see what the thing looks like. Or maybe it _is_ a fetus, but why would it be there? … Have you ever had sexual intercourse with a man?" 

The noise that came out of Sanji's mouth at that question sounded like something between a yelp and a strangled cough and he didn't need a mirror to know that his face was rapidly turning a quite unbecoming shade of red. 

"Really?", Chopper said, his eyes growing to almost twice their normal size.

"Shut up… there was lots of alcohol and stupidity, and… shut up", Sanji mumbled, looking off to the side and trying to wish his blush away. Which probably only went a deeper shade of red, if he was honest. 

"O… kay, that's not any of my business… but still, that probably doesn't have anything to do with that. Anatomically it doesn't make any sense, even if you were capable of producing an ovum, which you aren't, because you don't have ovaries, then there still wouldn't be any way for sperm from your rectum to travel to your peritoneum, you'd have to have a perforated colon for that and then you'd be in a whole other world of trouble, that can't be it." 

If Sanji had ever known in advance that careless consumption of alcohol and dumb decision making would lead to Chopper talking about sperm in his rectum he never ever would have consumed any alcoholic beverage in is life. He refrained from answering the little reindeer because he really didn't have the faintest clue as to how. 

"Well, if we assume that this were, in fact, a fetus, which it can't be, but if it were… I'd say it's at around two months, maybe."

Two months… Sanji thought back on that ill advised night, which, to be fair he'd quite enjoyed while it was happening but had afterwards vowed to never ever repeat. "Two months doesn't really fit", he said absently before he could stop himself. Chopper looked away from the screen and back to the cook, and Sanji resumed his staring contest with the floor self consciously. "It'd be closer to three…" 

"Hmm… that might work, too", Chopper said, looking back at the screen. "It'd be pretty small for three, but in a male body it'd be incredibly difficult for the fetus to get proper nutrients, so it would probably stay smaller." 

"Huh…" was really all Sanji could think to say to that. 

"But it probably doesn't have anything to do with that, as I said, if you had a perforated colon then maybe the sperm would be able to get where it would have had to end up for this to happen, disregarding everything else… and basically if you'd had a perforated colon three months ago you would already be dead", Chopper theorized. 

"Oh. Great." 

"Maybe we're thinking about this too rational, though. Did you get hit with any crazy devil's fruit in that time frame?", Chopper asked.

Sanji was just about to reply "no" when he realized that that would be a lie. It'd been several months ago even if he didn't remember the exact time right now, but it was the only unexplained thing he could think of. He'd pretty much forgotten about that weird lilac colored beam that had hit him, because it hat had absolutely no effect and he'd mentally dubbed that the "useless, useless fruit" and not thought any more about it. "There… might have been something like that", Sanji said after a moment. 

"What? How come I didn't know that? You're supposed to tell me about stuff like being hit with mysterious devil's fruits! I'm supposed to know about potential health risks to my crew!", Chopper yelled. 

"I didn't think it had any effect, it was just some silly purple beam that didn't do anything" 

"Well, apparently it did! Either you got some crazy baby looking parasite, or you suddenly became a medical miracle. What was the fruit called?"

"I don't know, they didn't say", Sanji said. 

Chopper let out an exasperated sigh. "Okay then, I guess it doesn't matter either way", he hopped off the chair again and went over to his desk. 

"As far as I can tell there are four theories. First: it's a parasite that happens to look like a fetus. Second: It is a fetus that was artificially implanted into you by that beam that's some sort of offspring of the caster. Which doesn't really make it that much different from a parasite. Third: it is a fetus that was somehow created by fusing the caster's DNA with yours. Fourth: the beam didn't implant a fetus but somehow made you able to get pregnant from that escapade you had. Which really doesn't make sense, because as I said, perforated colon, and where would the ovum even come from, and if that beam somehow created an ovum, either artificially or even from your DNA how would it have stayed alive long enough to be inseminated and…" Chopper stopped himself and shook his head as if to dislodge his stuck train of thought.

"But, anyway, it doesn't even really matter, because no matter which theory is right the course of action we have to take now doesn't change", Chopper declared. 

"Really?" Sanji blinked. Wouldn't a parasite or a baby have different implications? 

"Yes, it needs to be removed as soon as possible." 

Sanji couldn't do anything but stare at their doctor for a moment. Only now did he realize that Chopper had started taking surgical tools out of his drawers and the cook acutely felt as if he'd just missed a chunk of conversation. 

"Hang on, what?", Sanji asked, only half aware that his voice sounded quite a bit higher than it usually did. 

"It needs to be removed", Chopper repeated, as if just saying it again would make it make more sense. 

"When the hell did you decide that?", Sanji asked, indignant. "You just said it might be a baby!" 

"I said fetus!" 

"That's not the point!", Sanji yelled. He sat up, suddenly uncomfortable in his previous position of lying on the cot.

"But it really doesn't even matter. Sanji, even if it is a child, it probably isn't even related to you and even if it were that doesn't change the fact that you're a man and you can't be pregnant." Chopper finally turned around and stopped messing with his surgical tools that made Sanji quite uncomfortable to look at. 

"Well apparently I can, whether you like it or not", Sanji said and gestured at the screen were a picture of the baby… fetus? was still frozen with some blue and red colors around it. 

"But you're not built for that! Look no matter which theory is true, time wise it should be along further than this, it should be bigger. And that's because your body can't sustain it. A woman's body is built to accommodate a child, yours isn't! There's special tissue in the uterus that makes it easier to provide nutrients to the child, you don't have that, and there are cells that make sure the placenta doesn't infiltrate too far so it doesn't turn harmful to the mother, you don't have those either." 

"So what, what does that mean? Look at it, looks like it did just fine without that stuff so far."

"But it won't stay that way! Look at this, you see this large blob of red there?" Chopper said, pointing at the screen. 

"Yeah, so?" 

"That's the common iliac artery, which is among the largest blood vessels of the human body. Look how close that is to the fetus, if it is one. You see this mess of blue and red, there? That's the placenta, that's even closer. And that is going to grow and it's going to burrow further into the surrounding tissues, including that artery, and if it hits that, then that's probably going to rupture the artery and then you'll bleed to death!"

 That gave Sanji pause. He looked from the screen back to the doctor who was looking at him imploringly. "… Death?", the cook repeated tentatively because that hadn't been part of his considerations, yet, at all. Not that he'd really had the chance to do much thinking. Chopper's sudden insistence to get rid of the baby, fetus or parasite or whatever it really was without even checking which theory was correct had just rubbed Sanji the wrong way. 

"Yes. A female body has cells in the uterus that can protect it against the fetus growing too aggressively, but you don't have those, your body has no way to defend itself. Sometimes that happens to women, too, it's called an abdominal pregnancy when the fetus doesn't implant in the uterus but somewhere it doesn't belong. And that's life threatening!" 

"You don't know for sure that that's gonna happen, though", Sanji said. "Do all those women die?" 

"No", Chopper admitted. "But the chances of the fetus living long enough and growing enough to be viable are much lower than the chances of internal bleeding. It's not worth the risk!" 

"But if this was a devil's fruit that made this happen don't you think it was designed for this? You don't know it works, it might all turn out fine!", Sanji protested. 

"Devil's fruit aren't perfect. And it could just as well be designed to kill you! In a… weird, roundabout way, but still. It might not even be a baby in the end but a creepy monster that's going to eat you from the inside. We just don't know, but the risks are way too high, so we should do something about this." Chopper opened another drawer and took out some other surgical instrument that Sanji didn't understand and certainly didn't want used on himself.

"Put that stuff away! What makes you think you can just decide that!?" The cook looked for his discarded shirt and hastily pulled it on.

"I'm you doctor, that's what!", Chopper yelled, transforming into heavy point. Which had grown quite a bit more monstrous over their two year separation and Sanji did not like the implication. 

"That doesn't mean you just get to cut people up whenever you feel like it!", Sanji said, grabbing his jacket and getting off the cot. It wasn't just Chopper's added size that suddenly made the infirmary claustrophobic to him, and he really needed some air to breathe. He turned to leave.

"I'm trying to save your life, did you even listen to anything I just said?" Chopper grabbed his arm and Sanji shook it off. 

"Oh I listened. You want to kill my baby and you don't understand that I don't like that", Sanji summarized with a sneer. 

"Thats not- I don't want to kill a baby, I want to save a crewmate!", Chopper yelled. 

"Oh and didn't there use to be a thing were people get to decide what medical procedures they want? Pretty sure you're not supposed to sharpen your scalpels without even asking!" With that, Sanji pushed open the door and ignored Chopper's frantic cries to wait. He climbed up the ladder to get to the rear deck above the Thousand Sunny's expansive bathroom and found the deck thankfully empty. 

He really needed some room to think about this, because by now his head was spinning. He patted himself down for his cigarettes and gladly removed one from the packet when he found them. He stuck it between his lips and was just getting ready to light it when it occurred to him that this was probably not a good idea. If he was going to have a child he really shouldn't be smoking…

Was he going to, though? 

He flicked the still perfectly unused cigarette overboard because just staring at it made him feel worse. He let out a heavy sigh and tried to sort through his thoughts. What a mess… This was so far out of left field it hadn't even occurred to him to ever think about what if… Because which guy in their right mind ever thinks about what to do if he were actually pregnant? 

He'd always wanted children, but that had never been an immediate goal, just part of his dreams of finding a nice girl, starting a family. It was something he wanted, but later, sometime in the future when he'd found the right woman, was leading a safer life… 

But fate, as it so often did, seemed to have other ideas for him. He ran his hand through his hair but it really didn't help calm the turmoil in his thoughts. 

"Oi Sanji, what did you say to Chopper? He's crying", Usopp's accusatory tone came from behind him and Sanji turned around to find the sharpshooter fixing him with a mildly judgmental frown. 

"Nothing that wasn't justified. Maybe you should be asking what he said to me", Sanji snapped. What gave Chopper the right to cry about this? 

"Actually Nami did, but he said he couldn't tell us because of doctor-patient confidentiality. So I'm asking you." 

"Oh." Well apparently Sanji's jab about patient rights had had some effect. Which Sanji appreciated, but then again he really didn't feel like he could accurately describe the situation right now. It was just too much to handle for him right this moment. "Tell him it's fine, he can tell you guys. I don't really know how to talk about it." 

Usopp's gaze turned worried. "Are you okay? You don't have some crazy horrible disease, right?" Of course that's where the sniper's overactive imagination took him immediately. 

"Crazy, yeah, horrible… who knows. It's complicated. Just let Chopper explain it." 

"Alright then. But you're fine right now, right? You're not just gonna drop dead if I leave?", Usopp asked skeptically. He looked torn between being concerned about Sanji and going back to Chopper to satisfy his curiosity. 

"No, I'm not really sick, it's just… complicated." 

"Okay, then", Usopp turned to go down the ladder again, but not before shooting Sanji a last worried look. 

Leaving Sanji alone with his thoughts. 

So, baby. In him. Pregnant pirate. Pregnant _male_ pirate, what the actual fuck? 

And nevermind that, having a baby in the middle of the New World the most dangerous of all seas was a ludicrous idea in and of itself. A baby on a ship already wasn't a great idea, there were so many dangers even in the most ordinary of seas and those just raised exponentially when you factored in that they were talking about a pirate ship, here. 

Just leaving the boat and settling down on an island along the way wasn't really an option, either. It made his heart hurt just to think about leaving his nakama and giving up on finding All Blue with them, but even if you didn't think about that, there weren't many safe islands in the New World and even fewer for a pirate with a 77 million beri bounty on his head. Who was pregnant, which might render him pretty helpless at some point and he'd definitely need medical assistance, because even if there were absolutely no problems with the pregnancy the baby wasn't just going to come out from where it was all by itself. 

So why did he feel so reluctant? Why not just let Chopper do his thing and forget that this ever happened, just chalk it up to another weird occurrence in the Grand Line?

His hand moved to the spot where Chopper had found the "foreign structure" as he'd put it. There was nothing to be felt, no bump or anything, just the wet fabric of his shirt where the gel was soaking into it. He'd completely forgotten to wipe himself off in his hurry to get out of there. 

There was a little something there. The image had only been vaguely human shaped, with a gigantic head and small arms and legs. There'd even been a vague outline of the face, or maybe Sanji had just imagined that, but he was pretty sure he'd seen the shape of the nose. 

It didn't look anything like a parasite to him.

And even if Chopper's other theories were true, if the child wasn't even related to Sanji at all and entirely someone else's or if it was some hybrid of him and some unknown devil's fruit user, it didn't really make much of a difference. 

Because wherever it came from, it was here now. And however it had come into existence, none of that was the child's fault. And it didn't really seem fair to just casually end its life when it had no way to defend itself without even discussing it first. 

Not that Sanji himself really knew what outcome that discussion would have. 

Did he have some sort of emotional connection with the child? Not really, an hour ago he never would've believed its existence to be possible and he hadn't even had any time to get used to it, yet. But still, he'd not been ready to just get rid of it. Maybe he'd been feeling protective of it. Had he? A little, maybe because Chopper had been so hell bent on removing it. 

But contrary to what Chopper seemed to think, Sanji had listened. Keeping it would be dangerous. It could kill him, even, and the chances that the child would turn out healthy were slim. He understood that. He just didn't know how he felt about it, yet. 

Thinking of that little face, now that he'd gotten over the shock of it being there in the first place filled him with some strange emotion he wasn't sure how to label yet. 

"Sanji-kun?" Nami-san's delightful voice said from behind him and he turned around. He'd been too lost in thought to notice the footsteps, but now he saw that both of the crew's delightful ladies had climbed up. 

"Nami-swan! Robin-chwan! It's always a delight to see you!", He cooed, momentarily distracted from his worries. 

"Are you alright, Cook-san?", Robin-chan asked, climbing up after the navigator. 

He was already opening his mouth to wax poetic about how he was always fine when the lovely ladies were present, but he stopped himself, because he realized he might be telling a lie. He let out a sigh and sort of wished he had a cigarette right now. 

"I don't really know", he admitted. "This is all a bit…" _Unexpected? Crazy?_ "… Much", he finished lamely. 

"Chopper said you had a _parasite that resembles a fetus,_ or possibly actually a fetus", Nami-san said carefully. 

"Of course he did. He could've just said I'm pregnant", Sanji said somewhat spitefully. And then couldn't help but listen to himself saying it… "That's the weirdest thing I've ever said." He had to shake his head to shake loose that thought because he kept getting stuck on the word. 

"It's certainly unexpected", Robin-chan commented. Ah, her gift for understatement was a marvel. "Chopper also mentioned that you'd prefer to keep it." 

"Yes. No. I don't know", Sanji said miserably. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to come up with an answer, but it didn't help. "He just wanted to do it right there, he didn't even ask, just started sorting his scalpels. But there's a little face! And hands! He can't just…" 

"But you are aware of the possibility that it's not all it appears to be? It could still be a parasite, or something not quite human. There's an ancient myth in South Blue about a demon that regenerates its human form by burrowing into unsuspecting victims, staying inside them for nine months and then eating its way out", Robin-chan said, her face as calm and serene as if they were discussing the state of the herb garden. 

"Uh…" was really all Sanji could think of to answer to that. He looked down at his stomach and then back up, mildly horrified. 

"Let's… maybe keep the flesh eating demons out of the conversation, for now?", Nami-san suggested, and Sanji shot her a grateful look. "But Robin has a point, Chopper said it's really dangerous for even if it isn't a parasite or something." 

"Yes, I know that, it's just… did Chopper show you a picture?"

Both of the girls shook their head. 

"It's just… if you'd seen it maybe you'd understand, it just feels…" And he still didn't really know what that feeling was, so he was stuck stumbling over his words. Both of them looked at him with concern and it made him slightly uncomfortable. Attention. From beautiful ladies. Making him feel uncomfortable… really, what was wrong with him? 

Other than unplanned impossible pregnancies, that is. 

"Cook-san, I have to ask, is abortion something that you're generally opposed to?", Robin-chan asked.

"What? No, not in general. I would never presume to tell any woman what she can do with her own body. There's plenty of situations and circumstances that might lead to such a decision, and I don't think anyone else has could really understand that or judge that", Sanji said. 

"And would you consider the pregnancy being a health risk to the mother a good reason for terminating it?", Robin-chan pried further. 

"Yes, obviously." He said it before he'd really thought about it. But he found, as he heard himself saying that, that that didn't really help him make a decision, either. 

"So it's not that you're completely against it, but… what?" Nami-san asked. And Sanji didn't know how to answer her, because he hadn't been able to pinpoint the _but_ yet, either. 

"It's just… I don't… it's…" Sanji tried forming a sentence but it just wouldn't come. 

"Okay, calm down, we're not here to talk you into anything, Sanji-kun, we just want to try and help you", Nami-san said, putting her hands up placatingly. 

"Ah, Nami-swan is always so understanding", Sanji swooned, glad for the opportunity to focus on something other than his own mess of a head. 

"But, you know, ever since Chopper told us, I've been trying to imagine myself in your situation, and I mean it's obviously different, cause I'm a woman, but there's just something that would really bother me, you know?" Sanji looked at her with rapt attention, and did his best trying not to get sidetracked by a vision of Nami-swan as a loving mother with a beautiful child, because any child of hers would be beautiful and… focus, cook!

"If I just suddenly got pregnant against my will, against my knowledge, I'd feel… violated. I don't think I'd want to have a child under those circumstances. Some stranger just using me as a birth machine, that's… just creepy", Nami-san finished. 

"I… I get that, and I'm really not happy with whoever did it, I didn't even see whoever cast that beam or whatever, but… none of that's really the child's fault, is it?" 

"We're not trying to blame the child, cook-san", Robin-chan said delicately. "But you don't have any duty towards it, either. You didn't have any say in its creation, you're not responsible for it. Of course this is unfortunate for the child, but you have no obligations of any kind towards it, especially not trying to keep it alive at possibly the cost of your own life." 

"I guess…" Sanji admitted. He sighed again, and turned to look back at the ocean. It didn't have any answers for him, either. 

"I never knew my parents", he suddenly blurted out. He looked back at the girls and was met with puzzled faces. "I grew up in an orphanage on some island in North Blue, I don't know how I got there, who put me there, why… I used to think up wild theories about who my parents might be, but fact is, I don't know anything." 

"I always liked to think my mom was a princess. Or a spy, or a brave warrior, so many different ideas. But the fact is, she might have just been a scared pregnant girl who was all alone and she faced the same choice I'm facing now. And if that's the case then I'm really grateful she chose letting me live, and  I guess that's why I don't want, well in part, at least…" At the end of his own story he wasn't really sure what he'd point he'd been trying to make, but he did know that it was important. Somehow.

"But you don't really know enough about that to base your decision on it, do you?", Nami-swan asked.

"No…", Sanji groaned. "What am I even saying? I can't have a baby, I'm a guy, and you can't have a baby on a pirate ship and I don't want to leave but Chopper won't help me, and I can't just go on any island in the grand line, and I can't leave the grand line, and I really want a cigarette, but I can't…" 

"Sanji-kun, slow down!", Nami said, gently pulling him by the shoulder. Only when she said that did he realize his speech had been getting faster and faster. 

"Right, sorry", Sanji said, blinking a little trying to get his mental focus back. 

"You don't have to decide anything right now, I've asked Chopper, and he said you're not in immediate danger, you don't have to decide anything right now. You can sleep on it, think about it some more, talk to people. And then in a few days you can make up your mind. You seem pretty overwhelmed right now, so I think some time might help you sort this out", she suggested. 

"Nami-swan is so wise", Sanji praised. "I apologize for my rambling, I've just never imagined myself in this situation so I'm more than a little unprepared", he said, trying to not to sound like a crazy person anymore. 

"That's perfectly understandable, cook-san, I'm sure both Nami and I would be equally as flummoxed if we were to discover someone was pregnant from us", Robin-chan said, and Sanji's brain promptly embarked on a rather colorful bit of theorizing as to what could lead to such a discovery. 

"Just remember, you're not alone, okay? We're all here to support you", Nami-san said. Sanji just had to wonder how so much perfection even fit into a person as he smiled gratefully. 

And promptly sighed again, because really. What was he gonna do about this whole mess?

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

There had once been a time in his life, when "I'm gonna be the pirate king" was the craziest thing Zoro had ever heard anyone say. Life had been so simple back then. But after going up against several shichibukai, flying to an island in the sky and spending two years training under the man he had sworn to one day defeat, he really should've built some immunity to crazy stuff. 

So really, the announcement that one of his male crewmates was pregnant shouldn't have hit him like a seaking to the face, but damn…

Well at least he wasn't the only one who was surprised. Brook's jaw was literally on the table, Franky looked like someone had pressed pause on him and Usopp's eyes were currently contesting his nose for the spot of 'biggest part of his face'. Nami was blinking a whole lot faster than she usually did. 

Robin was just wearing a mysterious little smile like she always did… and was she looking at Zoro specifically? The moment passed almost immediately, but something about the look on her face made him wary. 

The most predictable reaction however, was that of their captain. 

"That's so cool!", he yelled loudly. "Sanji's baking a little nakama!" 

"Luffy, you do know that that's impossible, right? Men can't have babies", Nami said doubtfully. Honestly, it was a real possibility that Luffy didn't understand enough about human reproduction to know that. 

"Don't tell me, tell Sanji and whoever knocked him up", Luffy said with a huge smile. 

 _Whoever knocked him up…_ Zoro did his best to keep his poker face and not let anyone know what was going through his head right now, but he knew there wasn't quite as much blood in his face as there had been at the start of the conversation. 

"We don't really know that he's pregnant, it could be a parasite or something", Chopper repeated. "All we know is that it looks similar to a fetus and it's messing with his hormones." He was standing on top of the galley table while the rest of the crew sans cook were sitting around it. 

"Both of which seem to indicate pregnancy, don't they, Doctor-san?", Robin inquired. 

"Yes, but, as Nami mentioned, men can't get pregnant, so a parasite would make more sense. But the fact of the matter is, he's been hit with some devil's fruit, he doesn't know what it was called or what exactly it did, so it could be a lot of things, it could be a parasite, or the devil fruit user's offspring…" 

"Wait, so you're saying some creep just put their baby in cook-bro? That's messed up, man", Franky said, looking slightly green around his metal nose. 

"It could also somehow actually be Sanji's, there's no way to know", Chopper said. 

"Maybe I should start playing more music around Sanji-san, I heard that's good for a baby's development", Brook mused. 

"He can't just have the baby", Chopper said. "It could kill him!" 

That instantly changed the mood at the table dramatically. 

"Kill him?", Usopp asked. "Are you sure? I mean that devil's fruit is probably designed to do this, doesn't that mean it should work?" 

"No, it doesn't", Chopper argued. "It's really close to his left illiac artery and if it grows more it could rupture the artery and then he'll bleed out. This can happen to women, too, it's called an abdominal pregnancy and the risk of internal bleeding is a lot higher than the chances of the fetus ever growing enough to become viable." 

"Excuse me, I'm obviously not an expert on the subject, but I have read reports of abdominal pregnancies that were carried to term", Robin said. 

"I know, but that's really rare, and with the placement of the fetus or whatever it is I just don't believe that it's possible", Chopper said. 

"Oh. So what now, then?", Nami asked, still looking a bit perplexed. 

"It should be removed as soon as possible, it's not worth the risk, but I messed up…" Chopper tapped his front hooves together and looked at the table guiltily. 

"Why, what did you do?", Usopp asked. 

"Well I came to that conclusion and I wanted to do it right then, but I didn't really properly talk to Sanji about it, and then he got upset with me because I already had my surgical tools out." Chopper sniffed a little. "I got ahead of myself, I was just really shocked by the discovery, so I didn't really think about what I said…" 

"So that's why he yelled at you and practically fled to the observation deck?", Usopp asked. 

"Yes… I was just so focussed on the medicine that I didn't really think about what he thinks about the whole thing", Chopper admitted. "I'm just really worried, it's really dangerous." 

"But what if he wants to keep it?", Franky asked. 

"That's a really bad idea. I mean aside from likely killing him it's probably not even related to him, it's just way too big a risk", Chopper said. 

"Seems kinda mean, though. Just getting rid of it…", Usopp said. "Isn't there some way to, I don't know, make sure it doesn't kill him without killing it?" 

"No. He's just not built for this, there's nothing I can do to change that. And even if there was, any intervention would probably terminate the fetus anyway." 

"Unless it's not really a fetus", Robin said. "But then I'd imagine cook-san wouldn't be all that eager to  keep it." 

"But it's not immediately life-threatening, is it?", Nami asked. "If you wait a few more days it's not gonna kill him, right?" 

"No", Chopper said, shaking his head. "But still, it's better not to wait too long." 

"So how about this? You both take a bit of time to cool off, sleep on it, and then you talk about it again tomorrow? Sanji-kun's probably really confused right now, and when he's had more time to think about it he'll probably be calmer about the whole thing", Nami suggested. 

"Yeah, I guess…" Chopper said. 

"How about Robin and I go talk to him? He'll probably react better if it's us", Nami offered, getting up from her seat. 

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea", Chopper agreed. "I'm just really worried, I didn't mean to pressure him…" 

"I know, we'll find a solution, don't worry", Nami said, and with that both of the girl's got up from the table and went to the galley's back door. 

"And there you think the Grand Line can't surprise you anymore", Franky said with a shake of his head. "I mean, seriously… was not expecting that." 

"Quite", Brook agreed. "My eyes were bugging out of my head, I was so shocked. Or they would have if I'd had eyes." 

"It's a shame it's so dangerous, though. Crazy impossible guy baby would've fit right in around here", Usopp said with a chuckle and got up as well.  

"Totally sucks", Luffy lamented, letting his head hang. "I bet it would've been cute, Sanji's awesome at baking." 

"What's with the baking analogy?" 

"The anal what?", Luffy asked, his face the picture of innocence, while Zoro tried fighting down the choked noise his throat really wanted to make at that. _The anal what…_ yeah, pretty much that. 

Seeing as the meeting seemed over Zoro just got up off the table without a word and went to go to the crow's nest. He really needed some mindless repetitions to focus on right now. 

* * *

Chopper had said a lot about crazy devil's fruits and lots of medical terms, he hadn't mentioned anything about Sanji getting pregnant the 'normal' way, not there was such a thing as normal for a guy getting knocked up. 

But really, Zoro thought as he switched his weight to the other hand, without really counting how long he'd been doing this, there was nothing to indicate his involvement in the whole mess. 

And even if he was somehow, impossibly, responsible - but not really responsible, because how was he supposed to have known Sanji had miraculously grown highly improbable powers of fertility - it wouldn't matter much, would it? Because either way they'd probably never know because it would never be born because it was just too risky to leave it where it was. 

But it did matter, because a child someone just randomly parked inside your body was different from one you'd created yourself, and Zoro just couldn't stop wondering if they had.

He hadn't meant to get Sanji into such a situation and even if there was no conceivable way he could have known about it and he probably hadn't, he still felt bad about it. 

He was filled with irrational anger directed at the stupid devil's fruit user that had done this, who thought he could just play with people's lives like this. And they'd probably never find them and never find out why they'd chosen to do this to the cook. 

And what did all that mean for him and Sanji? They hadn't let that one night mess up their nakamaship, it hadn't changed the way they interacted (even if Zoro sometimes secretly wished it had), but what now? Would the cook be angry at him for this? 

There really wasn't a reason to, but that didn't stop Zoro from blaming himself. He'd been slightly more sober than the cook, still pretty damn drunk, but the cook was a lightweight compared to him. Anyone with the possible exception of Nami was, really. But still, he'd been more in control of himself, he could've said no. 

But he hadn't wanted to. Honestly he didn't even quite remember what they'd been talking about that had led to this happening, but he definitely wasn't sorry that it had. 

He'd sort of had a thing for the cook for a long time. He couldn't really help it, strength was what attracted him most to other people. Always had been that way, and Sanji fit the bill perfectly. Could hold his own in a fight against Zoro, and with the cook's unusual fighting style those battles never got boring. He was attractive, too, and as a nakama inherently trustworthy. 

But since Sanji was so very obviously straight Zoro hadn't really considered much farther beyond that. 

Until a very very drunk Sanji had shown himself to be a bit more flexible in his preferences and a drunk Zoro had decided to take that at face value. 

Had he taken advantage of him? He didn't really think so, it had (mostly) been Sanji's idea and afterwards the cook hadn't been angry at Zoro, only embarrassed about the whole thing. Agreeing not to mention it again was really the only talking they'd done about the whole thing. 

And while that had been disappointing, because the swordsman had secretly been eager to see where that little escapade would lead them, he'd accepted it. 

And now look where it had led them. 

He switched hands again, thinking vaguely that he'd probably done an uneven number of reps on both sides now.

He should probably stop thinking about it so much, though. It wouldn't make any difference after all. 

So better start counting again. 

Zoro was just starting to get into the mostly empty mindset of training that allowed him to focus on counting the reps, controlling his breathing and improving his performance.

Someone else seemed to have other ideas, though. The trap door at the bottom of the crow's nest opened, even though it wasn't nearly time for switching watch, yet. A blond head coming up through the hole announced the cook's arrival. 

"Should you really be climbing up here?", Zoro asked skeptically as he watched his nakama push himself up and into the crow's nest, taking a moment to dust off his suit when he stood up. "Chopper said your insides are gonna rip open." 

"I've heard", Sanji said with an annoyed sigh. "But I need to talk to you and I wasn't just going to shout until you came down." 

"What do you need to talk to me for?", Zoro asked, putting his weights down. Of course he knew what it was probably about, but he honestly hadn't expected his input to be wanted. 

"I'm sure you've heard", the cook said, plopping down on a piece of bench at the window. "I want to know your opinion. On whether or not I should keep it." 

"Keep it?", Zoro asked incredulously. He took a moment to dry himself off with a towel. "Chopper said it's gonna rip your insides open." 

"You said that already. Is your little marimo brain stuck on repeat?" 

"Chopper thinks you can't keep it without killing yourself. So what, you got a death wish?", Zoro asked, sitting down next to the cook. 

"Shut up." Sanji didn't look at Zoro, staring out of the window instead. The sun had already set, but dusk was still illuminating the sky.  "So I'm not sure if Chopper mentioned it, but there's a chance you might be involved in this thing. You know with…" Sanji just waved his hands in the air vaguely, apparently too embarrassed to say it out loud. 

Under other circumstances Zoro might've called him out on it and made him say what he meant, but right now that just felt mean. "He didn't say that. But I was wondering…" Suddenly he realized something. "Wait a minute, you told Chopper?" 

"Well, not really told… He doesn't know it's you, but he asked if I'd ever had sex with a man and I…"

"Went red like a tomato, kind of like right now?", Zoro finished for Sanji who'd been flailing again. And who was blushing like he was trying to light up the room with it. 

"… I also made an embarrassed noise", the cook admitted grumpily and did his best to look absolutely everywhere except at the swordsman. Zoro just couldn't help the amused snort. 

"Shut up." Now he was looking directly at Zoro with a look that promised much pain and suffering should it be met with more amusement. "Anyway, he thinks that's not it, cause it doesn't make sense where the baby is and where…" Sanji let out a little cough. How could such a pervert be so bashful? It was mind boggling, really. "Well he said it wouldn't work and he said 'perforated colon' about fifty times, but let's face it, none of this should've worked and yet here I am, so who's to say what really happened there?"

Zoro nodded, once. 

"So… it might be yours, marimo. … Mostly mine, though, but sort of yours, too", Sanji concluded. "But there's no way to be sure." 

"So, what, you came here to yell at me for maybe knocking you up?", Zoro asked. 

"No, I want to know: if it were yours, what would you want?" 

"For it not to rip open your insides. Pretty much the same as any other scenario", Zoro replied with a shrug. 

"Do you want children?", the cook asked. 

"I want it not to rip open your insides", Zoro repeated. What else was he supposed to contribute, here, exactly? 

"I don't mean right now, in general. Do you see your future self with lots of little moss balls running around some day?" 

"No." 

"Just no? You don't like children, then?" 

Zoro took a deep breath. He wasn't particularly eager to explain his stance on this since that didn't really change anything about the current situation even if he would imagine himself having children in some nebulous ill-defined future. 

"No, that's not it, I have no problem with them. But my goal is to be the world's greatest swordsman. That's a dangerous path to take, I could die before I ever get that far. That's not going to happen, but the risk is there. That's not exactly a good situation to be founding a family in. And if I make it there's going to be lots of people who want the same thing, challengers are going to show up, try to take the title from me, and if I had a family they could become targets, as well. It's just not a good idea." 

"Makes a surprising amount of sense", Sanji said. "Honestly I didn't expect you to have thought about it that much. But what if it happened, anyway? Say you accidentally get some girl pregnant, what would you do? Would you want her to get rid of it?" 

"I don't accidentally get girls pregnant." 

"Neither do I, it's a hypothetical question", Sanji said, rolling his eyes. "If you were in that situation would you just tell her you don't want kids and leave her alone with the problem?" 

"No I wouldn't. I'd take responsibility. But talking about this hypothetical girl doesn't really help, does it? Because if she were at risk of dying from it, I'd tell her the same thing I'm telling you now: it's not worth risking your life for." 

Sanji looked off to the side. Apparently this hadn't been what he'd been wanting to hear. 

"What about you? You want children, don't you?", Zoro asked. 

"Yes." The cook sounded wistful. "A little girl calling me 'Papa' and I'll call her Princess, or a little boy I can show all of my red leg techniques… I'd show the girl, too, though, if she wants to know…" There was a small smile playing around the cook's lips but it vanished quite suddenly. 

"This child might have green hair… oh the poor dear", he said, and one hand moved over his belly. Zoro wasn't sure if Sanji was even aware of the gesture. 

And that's when it really hit Zoro. He'd somehow assumed that this conversation's purpose was mostly to make Sanji feel better about what he had to do. Because the swordsman hadn't believed the cook would actually be stupid enough to risk his life for a child that didn't even stand a realistic chance at being being born. 

But he'd underestimated the cook's stupidity. Which shouldn't have happened, because he knew Sanji was an Idiot. An Idiot who gave his affections away too easily and readily, and who was pretty damn stubborn, to boot. 

"And swirly eyebrows. Don't you want to spare it the ridicule?", Zoro asked. 

"That's a stupid reason to get rid of it", Sanji said with an offended sneer. 

"True. But that it's more likely that this kills you than the child ever being born, sounds like a pretty damn good reason to me." 

"So I've been told", the cook said noncommittally, staring back out of the window. "But no one knows how that whatever devil's fruit it was works. It's probably designed to do this, so who's to say it would really kill me?" 

"This is not your only chance to have children, cook. Risking your life for this is stupid." 

"You're probably right", Sanji said with a shrug. He got up from where he'd been sitting and adjusted his tie. "Well, I guess I found out what I wanted to know. I won't bother you with this, anymore, Marimo, don't worry." He moved towards the hatch in the floor. 

"Wait", Zoro said. "Look, I don't think you should do it, it's too risky, but that doesn't mean I'll leave you alone with the problem." Sanji raised an eyebrow as Zoro went on, "If you do this, I'll support you." 

The cook smiled a small smile at that, but didn't say anything before going down the hatch. 

* * *

A day later found Sanji in the galley, trying to find the courage to make a decision. Deep down he already knew what he was going to do, but he kept doubting himself. What if he was making a colossal mistake? That was a very real possibility, if he was honest. 

Sleeping on it and talking to more of his nakama had been somewhat helpful, but not as much as he'd been hoping. The consensus seemed to be that the situation sucked, and that Sanji found himself agreeing with fullheartedly. 

Luffy had ambushed him after breakfast to try and see where he was 'baking the baby', a conversation that had once again led Sanji to realize that he was a guy and he was pregnant and wasn't that just crazy? That thought had adopted the habit of randomly hitting him throughout the day. It always took him a few minutes to get over it. 

Zoro had taken to watching Sanji sharply and honestly the way he looked at him made him a bit uncomfortable. Nami-san had talked to him again and so had Robin-chan who'd brought books on both crazy infectious baby demons and extrauterine pregnancies and their risks. 

Usopp had helped him clean up after lunch and he seemed to be the only one who really shared Sanji's dislike for just getting rid of the baby. Unlike Sanji, though he had apparently accepted the necessity of it, and was disappointed in the situation. 

He had avoided talking to Chopper, who'd looked at him with big round eyes at every mealtime. He'd felt that was a conversation he needed to be well prepared for. 

Sanji could really use a cigarette, but he kept reminding himself that it was a bad idea. Best to try not to add any more problems than he already had. But then he'd been smoking the last three month without knowing, so he might've already caused problems. 

He finished wiping off the table and sat down on the bench with a sigh. He'd decided in advance that after he was done cleaning up after dinner he'd go talk to Chopper and tell him his decision. But now that he really had cleaned everything, some things twice, even, just to waste some more time, he still didn't really want to go. 

What if he decided wrong? The whole situation up till now hadn't been in his control, he hadn't asked for any of this to happen. It wasn't his fault that he was in this mess. But now it was up to him, and he didn't know if he was really qualified to decide. 

If he kept it he would have to leave the ship. That much was clear to him. A baby didn't belong on a pirate ship and a pregnant dude who could spontaneously bleed out didn't, either. 

There were normal islands in the new world, too. Like the one with the artisans, and plenty of others. He'd just have to ask to be taken to the one with the least shaky log pose heading and try to find a trustworthy doctor. At least his wanted poster was so terrible that it would be difficult for people to recognize him. The relative anonymity granted by that could actually prove useful. Not that that would ever stop him from hating that picture with all his heart. 

But whenever he just thought about leaving, his chest felt constricted and all he wanted to do was curl up in a corner and cry. And it wasn't just thinking about how lonely he'd be without them and how leaving the Thousand Sunny and the people on it would tear his heart into tiny little pieces. It was also because he didn't want to do that to them. He remembered vividly how it had felt back at Water 7 when Usopp had left, and he definitely didn't want to cause anything similar for the others. Of course his situation was different and he had different reasons, but the end result would probably not be much better. 

So really, getting rid of it would not only be safer, but also easier. He'd just have to tell Chopper, breathe in some sleeping gas and wake up without this whole problem. 

He sighed. Of course he could wait some more with his decision, but he felt like he'd been over some thoughts so often, he was starting to lose sight of their point. He'd looked at it from all sides he could come up with more than once. More waiting wouldn't really help.

With that thought he pushed himself up from the table and went over to the infirmary, trying to imbue his step with confidence he didn't really feel. 

Chopper looked up from his microscope when the cook pushed open the door. 

"I've made up my mind", Sanji announced as he closed the door behind himself. 

"… Okay" Chopper said timidly. He pressed his hooves together as he waited to hear what Sanji had to say. 

 _This is it_ , Sanji thought, and took a deep breath to steady himself. 

"I want to keep it."

 


	3. Chapter 3

Sometimes devil's fruits really sucked. Chopper usually thought that when he'd accidentally ended up in the ocean and was hoping for someone to rescue him. In general he liked them, of course, because without having eaten one he wouldn't even be in a position to contemplate them. He'd still be living in a limited reindeer world, where no one liked him. He'd never have met Dr. Hiluluk, and even if he had he wouldn't have been able to speak to him. He wouldn't have met his nakama and wouldn't be here at all, now. 

And really, not being able to swim was not that high a price for all of this. It wasn't like reindeer went out to swim in the ocean that often, anyway. 

But this devil's fruit, that really did suck. It sucked that he didn't even know what it really did, it sucked that they didn't know who had done it or why they'd deemed it a good idea to mess with someone's life like that. 

He hadn't talked to Sanji all day. He'd wanted to, but he'd been scared of saying the wrong thing like he had the day before when they'd found out what was going on. 

Other people had talked to him, though, and from what they'd said he had a feeling what Sanji's decision was going to be. It was stupid and risky but since when was that a deterrent for a member of the monster trio? 

 _"He thinks he has to leave the crew if he decides to keep it",_ Nami had told Chopper earlier with a pointed look. Sanji's reasoning made sense, a pirate ship was a dangerous place to be, but really, an island in the new world wasn't a much safer alternative. 

He'd mentioned that to Robin when she'd come to see him to learn some more about the dangers of an abdominal pregnancies. " _One of the reasons Cook-san believes he needs to leave is that he needs to find a new Doctor to help him, because his current one is so opposed to the idea",_ she'd told him. 

That had his Chopper like a bolt of lightning. One of his nakama thought he couldn't count on Choppers support as a doctor? That he needed to leave the ship because Chopper wouldn't help him? 

That hurt. A lot. 

Because no matter what, his nakama's well-being was his top priority. Even if they made stupid decisions and took unnecessary risks. That was pretty much par for the course for all of them. 

Terminating the pregnancy, or parasite or monster baby or whatever it was was the safest option. But Chopper couldn't force Sanji into it, and even if he could, he would never do something to a patient they didn't agree with.

He'd gotten ahead of himself on that first day, and he just knew Doctorine would've been disappointed with him, trying to prepare an operation the patient hadn't even consented to… Being shocked by the situation really wasn't an excuse. 

So ever since Robin had said that, Chopper had been looking through his medical books trying to find some cases where an abdominal pregnancy had been successful, to see if there was something special about the circumstances, if there was something he could do to improve the chances. 

It didn't look too great, if he was honest. But there were some cases where it had worked, including one where they hadn't even known it was an abdominal pregnancy and had been very confused when they'd attempted a c-section and found the uterus empty. They were rare, but just maybe… 

With the position next to the iliac artery Sanji's chances weren't all that great. But maybe not zero, either. It all depended on how the growth continued, it was pretty likely to infiltrate in that direction, but it didn't necessarily have to. The main growth wouldn't be in that direction, so maybe Sanji might get lucky. 

Not that he was particularly lucky with this happening to him in the first place… 

And the abdominal lining next to the artery wasn't an ideal place for a placenta either, there were muscles and nerves back there. Also several other blood vessels, most notably the testicular artery. And having that damaged by the fetus… Not life-threatening, but… well testicle threatening, and wouldn't that just be perfectly ironic? 

Still, it could be much worse. Had it attached to any of the internal organs, most notably the small intestine, he'd probably have found out much sooner when it perforated and if it had attached to the liver it would also be tricky. 

But it was overall a ludicrous idea, trying to sustain a pregnancy in a man. Maybe Sanji would see reason. Being pregnant couldn't have been a lifelong dream of his, he'd been told by several people how dangerous it was. 

Chopper stared at his microscope as if it could tell him what he should do, even if it wasn't even turned on. Could he synthesize decidual cells to try and stop the placenta from further infiltrating? 

Short answer, no, and even if he could the attempt to implant them would probably kill the fetus even before the cells made it even more difficult for it to get proper nutrients. 

The door was pushed open and Chopper looked up to see Sanji walk in. He looked stressed, but determined, and Chopper had a feeling he already knew where this was going. 

"I've made up my mind", Sanji announced as he closed the door behind himself. 

"… Okay" Chopper said timidly. He pressed his hooves together as he waited to hear what Sanji had to say. Inwardly he was chanting _Please be reasonable, please, I know you heard what I said, but did you listen?_

"I want to keep it", Sanji said steadily, even though the look on his face was one you'd wear to face a firing squad. 

Chopper took a deep breath and hopped off his chair onto the table, because he wanted to talk to Sanji on something approaching eye level, and transforming didn't seem like the most diplomatic option. 

"Okay then, here are the rules", he said, and held up his hooves. "No smoking, no drinking, no staying up late, no more night watches, no strenuous activity, no climbing up to the crow's nest, and most important of all: _No fighting!_ Never, under any circumstances!" 

Sanji blinked a couple of times. "…What?" he said in a somewhat lost tone. 

"I'm not done yet. You come to me for check ups every other day, Every day should I chose so, and if you have any weird symptoms, anything at all, like if you get dizzy, or your pee turns a funny color, or you're in pain anywhere, I don't care if it's your toe and you think it doesn't mean anything or doesn't have anything to do with your pregnancy, you tell me, immediately. If you're in pain, especially around the abdomen, if you feel faint, or feverish, or anything that you think is worrying, you sit down wherever you are and tell someone to come and get me", Chopper said. "Do you understand?" 

"Uh… okay so if I'm in pain I should find a Doctor?", Sanji repeated. He looked horribly confused, which wasn't a great start because Chopper thought his instructions couldn't have been any clearer. 

"Not any Doctor, me", Chopper emphasized. "Did you get everything else?"

"You, but… when I leave…" Chopper gave him the most disapproving look he could muster (which, according to Usopp, was still adorable, but he had to work with what he had). Sanji raised an eybrow, or maybe both, who could tell. 

"Wait… does that mean I don't have to leave?", he asked tentatively. 

"Of course not, idiot. You really think I'd trust some other doctor to try to take care of you and your little monster? And you really think anyone on this crew would just let you leave?", Chopper said, disapprovingly. 

"… oh", Sanji said. He looked a little out of sorts at that, somewhere between surprised and confused. Then suddenly his expression lit up. "Wait, really?" Then after another moment. "Wait, 'little monster'?" 

"Yes, I'm calling it that, deal with it", Chopper said resolutely. 

"…I can really stay", Sanji repeated, still looking shell-shocked, but in a more positive manner this time. "You're not joking?" 

"It's not even funny", Chopper said. Or was he missing some pun? No, pretty sure he wasn't…

Sanji let out a breathless laugh, and suddenly Chopper found himself picked up and twirled around. "Thank you thank you thank you, I thought I… I was… You're the best", Sanji stammered. 

"You saying that doesn't make me happy, idiot", Chopper said. "Put me down, I said no strenuous activity"

"Oh… right, I'm sorry, I wasn't really listening all that well", Sanji said, putting Chopper back on the table, but not before giving him a quick hug. "I just really thought…"

"I know. Shut up. You're not getting rid of us that easily", Chopper said brushing imaginary dust from his fur and doing his best to pretend he hadn't enjoyed the cuddle attack, because he was the doctor here and Sanji was the patient, and Chopper needed to be an authority figure when laying down the rules. 

"All right,  you don't get to leave this room until you can recite every single rule word for word, so listen up…"

* * *

Sanji couldn't help the huge smile on his face at breakfast the next morning. Chopper had warned him about a million times against "strenuous activity" so he'd kept the spread simple. Even if he really didn't think cooking was all that strenuous, on the contrary, he found it soothing. But he didn't want to piss off Chopper when he'd just agreed to help him. 

Just looking around the table at his nakama and their antics that were as lively as ever, he felt eternally grateful that he didn't have to leave. He still felt a twinge of panic when he thought about how close he'd come to doing just that. 

"Okay, everyone, listen up!", Chopper called out when everyone was done with eating, except for Luffy because… as if Luffy could ever be done eating. The little reindeer hopped on the table to imbue himself with some gravitas. 

"Sanji is an idiot", he announced. The cook felt like he should've been more offended by that, but he was just in too good a mood. Besides, it wasn't as if it wasn't at least partially true. 

"Yes, in other breaking news, the sky is blue, Luffy has a large appetite and devil's fruit users can't swim", Usopp said in a bored tone. 

"He wants to keep the baby." 

There was a short moment of silence when everyone absorbed this information. "What, really?" "Awesome!" "Are you sure that's a good idea?" 

"It's a terrible idea", Chopper said. "But we're all going to make sure he and his little monster don't die. And for that I've set some ground rules, and if anyone sees him do something that's not allowed you're all instructed to give him a stern look and a guilt trip, and then to tell me"

"Little monster?", Robin-chan, who was sitting next to Sanji (to his eternal delight), asked quietly. There was an amused twinkle in her eyes. 

"I'll come up with something better", he whispered back. 

"Okay, these are the rules…" Chopper said and started reciting the rules that he'd made Sanji memorize the previous evening. 

Since he knew what was going to be said, Sanji took the moment to try and gauge his nakama's reactions to the news. Robin-chan was listening attentively to Chopper's instructions and was wearing a small smile as unfazed as ever. Usopp had his arms crossed and listened to Chopper with a skeptical frown. 

Nami-san's face was caught somewhere between exasperated and fond, which Sanji took as a good sign. Franky's hair had taken on the shape of a baby's hat, which looked fucking weird but was probably a show of support.

Luffy was grinning from ear to ear and flashed Sanji a thumbs up when he caught him looking. Brook looked… like a skeleton, mostly, but also like he was listening to Chopper, but Sanji couldn't really guess his stance on possible straw hat babies. 

And the marimo… was staring right at him, not even looking at Chopper at all. He raised an eyebrow questioningly when Sanji looked at him, and honestly the cook had no idea what that was supposed to mean. 

Well he'd made his opinion clear, he probably wasn't too happy about Sanji's decision. But he _had_ said that he would support him, whatever he meant by that. Well, maybe Sanji would find out at some point. 

He turned his attention back to Chopper who was just emphatically laying out the rule of " _no fighting!"_ which made sense, of course, but Sanji secretly doubted he'd be able to keep that. If it was about fighting with the marimo, he could stop that, easy, even if the green haired man was an annoying bastard who sometimes really desperately needed a foot to the face.

But when it came to enemies, he just wasn't sure if that was always feasible. 

"… Okay so these are the rules, you all have to make sure he follows them, alright?" Chopper finished up his speech. 

"You can super count on us, doc-bro!", Franky shouted.

"Awesome!", Luffy yelled again. "Sanji your baby's totally gonna be our new nakama!"

"Oh the thought of a baby just warms my heart", Brook declared sentimentally. "Even if I have none. Yohohoho!" 

"Well we already have a giant cyborg, a talking skeleton and a rubber man. What's one more monster baby?", Usopp sighed. 

* * *

After everyone had pretty much warned him not to do it, Sanji had to admit he hadn't expected this many positive reactions. But it appeared as if some of the others had secretly been rooting for him to keep the "little monster" as several of them had now taken to calling it, much to Sanji's dismay. 

They'd all had helped with the washing up, which was a nice change. Sanji had been reluctant to let the girls help, but they didn't listen to his protests, and Nami-san had told him to just go sit out on deck and enjoy the lovely day, and if she said so, who was he to refuse? 

Soon the others were done with the dishes, leaving Sanji with a slight sense of trepidation because Luffy had been among them (hopefully they'd have some plates left for lunch). Brook picked that time to start following Sanji around playing soft classical music on his violin, because he'd once read that was good for a baby's development. 

It was a sweet gesture, but it got a little annoying after a while and Sanji was glad for the excuse when he needed to start on lunch. At least no one had told him he wasn't allowed to cook, and he relished the chance not to be at the center of attention anymore. 

It was only after several minutes of cooking that he caught himself humming the last melody that Brook had been playing. He sighed and shook his head at himself. It wasn't even that catchy a tune but now it was stuck in his head. 

He was delighted to discover they still had all their plates (or was one missing? Well if it was, they had cleaned up after it pretty well). He was just about to go and set the table when he suddenly found a barstool shoved at the back of his legs, leaving him with a split second decision on whether he preferred sitting or loosing his balance. 

He chose sitting. 

"What the hell?", he asked as he spun around and found himself face to face with a huge chest scar. He looked up to find himself facing the very green owner of that scar. And that chest. 

"Sit", the marimo instructed eloquently. Sanji raised an eyebrow as he started taking plates out of the cabinet the cook had just been standing in front of. 

"Why?", Sanji asked. Maybe leaving his questions at one word would be more easily understandable to the moss ball. 

"You're supposed to take it easy, didn't you listen to Chopper?", Zoro said. He took the plates and carried them over to the table. As soon as he'd turned his back Sanji jumped off the chair and went back to stirring his sauce. 

"I listened, but I'm not sure why you're suddenly developing an interest in waiting tables, marimo." 

"Oi, sit back down!", Zoro yelled when he turned back around and saw Sanji standing at the stove again. Sanji was just about to say _"make me",_ but he caught himself before that. No fighting… this was gonna get tiring. 

"Don't get your haramaki in a twist, Chopper didn't tell me not to cook", he said. He opened the oven to check on the progress of the baked potatoes. 

"You know you're taking a completely stupid and unnecessary risk, right?", Zoro said, walking back to the kitchen to look at the cook disapprovingly. 

"Yes, I know these steaks aren't large enough for Luffy's appetite, but the roast still needs to marinate, I was going to save that for dinner, I'm sure this'll tide him over. He complains a lot more about needing food than he actually needs it", Sanji answered. He knew that wasn't what Zoro was talking about, but really, he'd just made up his mind to keep the baby, he wasn't in the mood to listen to the marimo trying to talk him out of it again. 

Zoro just stood next to him with crossed arms and gave him a look at that. 

"Chopper's told me about a million times how risky this is, I don't need you to remind me, marimo", Sanji said with an exasperated sigh. "You're not going to change my mind." 

"I'm not trying to, I know what a stubborn bastard you are", Zoro said. "But Chopper also said you might be less likely to rip your insides open if you avoid activity, so sit your ass back down." 

"And then what? I'm cooking", Sanji reminded the marimo. "Which, again, is not in the rules." 

"You sit down, look at the food, tell me what needs doing, and I do it for you", Zoro explained. 

At which Sanji promptly burst out laughing. "You? Cooking? That only sounds like the worst idea in the world." 

"I told you I'd support you", Zoro said. Sanji looked back at him, and didn't know what to make of the look on his face. There was something earnest about it, an intangible quality Sanji couldn't quite put his finger on. But it intrigued him, in a way. He hadn't really expected much from Zoro's claim to support him, but he was curious as to what it entailed. 

Curious enough to sit back down on the barstool and cross his arms. "If you fuck it up, you're eating all of it, there's not going to be any food wasted in my kitchen." 

Zoro acknowledged the statement with a grunt and rolled up his sleeves. "So what do I do?"

* * *

A week later Sanji was sitting out on the swing, lazily propelling himself back and forth with a foot on the ground. Everyone enthusiastically taking over all of his cleaning duties left him with a lot of free time, and he was just discovering how boring that was. 

Maybe he should take to napping all over the place like the marimo, that seemed like it might fill some hours. Except he was already sleeping more than usual since he was banned from taking over watch. 

"Hey, cook bro, you got a moment?", Franky asked, coming up from behind him. He was covered in sawdust and looked really excited. Sanji hadn't seen much of the shipwright over the past week. 

"I have many moments", Sanji said with a sigh. "Something you need?" 

"I just want to show you something, can you follow me real quick?" 

"Sure", Sanji said with a shrug and got up. He was moving around without any difficulty, and that made his sudden imposed inactivity feel all the more ridiculous. He didn't feel any different than he had a week ago when he'd had no idea that this was going on, but he kept expecting something to change. 

Franky led him up the sunny's bow to the staircase that led down below deck. Which wasn't necessarily the fastest way to get down there, but apparently he was taking into account that Sanji was banned from ladders. 

It was sweet, really, how considerate everyone was being. Even if he was getting more than a little tired of people trying to get him to rest.

"Just wait, it's going to be super!" Franky told him just as they were passing the green haired swordsman who was polishing one of his swords. 

"What's gonna be super?", Zoro asked, sounding less than half interested. 

"Come with and you'll see", Franky instructed while opening the trap door that led them downstairs. Sanji just shrugged at the marimo as he followed the gigantic cyborg. The swordsman shrugged back and got up to follow.

Franky led them to his workshop, where Usopp was sitting on the floor cross legged with a fine brush in hand, carefully applying color to something pinched between his thumb and forefinger. He looked up as they entered. 

"What? You brought him already? I thought you'd wait until I'm done", Usopp complained, putting down the small piece of wood. 

"Sorry, I just really wanted him to see", Franky said. He sounded very enthusiastic and not at all sorry. 

"See what?", Sanji asked. 

"That!" Franky pointed to something in the corner with one of his gigantic hands. 

Sanji's gaze followed, and when he saw what the shipwright was pointing at his jaw dropped. 

"Is that…?", he asked and stepped in to take a closer look.

"You betcha", Franky confirmed, sounding incredibly proud. "The best bed any little monster could ask for." 

Sanji wanted to say something against his baby being called a little monster, but he was too busy staring at the intricately designed crib to properly form a sentence. 

The headpiece was decorated with a lion's head that matched the figurehead of the Thousand Sunny. The bed's feet looked like paws, just like the Sunny's automatic anchors. A piece of striped sail was attached at the head, making it look like a roof, making the whole thing look even more like a ship. The sail even had a tiny mast, and attached to it was a partly done mobile. 

When he stepped closer he realized that the mobile consisted of fish, cut out from wood and intrinsically painted. He recognized them instantly, and knew those type of fish would only swim together in one ocean. 

He looked back to Usopp and realized that the small piece of wood was also cut like a fish and in front of the sniper there was one of Sanji's books about All Blue.

"This…" Sanji looked back at the crib, trying to come up with words that could sum up what he was feeling in that moment, but there just weren't any. He found himself rapidly blinking instead. 

"What's wrong? Do you hate it?", Usopp asked, worry creeping into his tone. Sanji just shook his head, trying to compose himself a bit before saying anything, because it was just too embarrassing to start crying over a cute baby bed. 

He was fighting a losing battle, there. 

"It's… It's perfect", he finally managed to say, in a small tone that gave everything away about his emotional state, but he didn't really care. 

"Oh wait until you see what it can do!", Franky declared, running over to the crib. He crouched and pointed at the feet. "There's a mechanism here that can automatically rock the baby to sleep at three different settings, and it also detects when the ship is shaking a lot, and counteracts it to keep the crib level. Basically the Sunny could be caught in the worst storm, or do three coup de bursts and the little monster won't even notice." 

"And there's a defence mechanism, too." He pushed a button on the side. Suddenly the paws extended their claws (that Sanji had thought were only painted on, if he was honest) and attached themselves to the floor firmly. The side panels raised up and closed over the top of the sail, not even disturbing the mobile while they were moving. "See if there's ever intruders on the ship, which we're not gonna let happen, but if there were, they can't do anything to the baby, because this is steel covered by panes of adam wood on the inside and the outside, and they can't steal the crib, either, because it's firmly attached to the floor. And it's still fully ventilated like this, of course." 

"That's… wow", was really all Sanji could think of to say to that. 

"And if there's anything else you want it to do, the design is fully expandable. I was thinking of adding a tone dial for lullabies, but skeleton-bro thinks it's nicer if the music is played live." 

Sanji still wasn't quite capable of speech, yet. Franky pushed the button again and the paneling went away. "Hope you like the design, I was thinking about something blue or pink, first, you know, more traditional, but I don't know if little monster's a boy or girl, and and lions are super no matter who you are."

"It's adorable. And the fish… it's… thank you", Sanji said, looking first at Franky and then at Usopp. They were both grinning at him. He sniffled, and they both just smiled even wider. 

There was a chuckle from behind him, and only then did he remember that the marimo had followed him. How easily a sweet moment could turn embarassing. 

"Shut up", he snapped at the marimo. "There's weird hormones", he continued mumbling. That was a lame excuse of course. Because tearing up at seeing all the thought and effort his nakama had put into this had nothing at all to do with any hormones. 

And not only that it was sweet of them to care, it also assuaged his worries about having a baby on a pirate ship. It didn't erase them completely, but knowing that he wasn't the only one worrying and that everyone was willing to help was worth a lot. 

So he kept smiling like an idiot while failing to blink away his tears as Franky outlined more ideas for features for the crib and Usopp asked about fish Sanji would specifically like to see on the mobile.

Maybe this whole pregnancy thing would turn out to be less of a crisis than he'd originally thought.


	4. Chapter 4

"So, how's it look?", Sanji asked. Chopper had angled the monitor so that he could just barely not tell what was going on on there and it was annoying. 

Of course Chopper insisted on using the ultrasound every week, so it wasn't as if Sanji didn't know what the baby looked like, but it didn't stop him from being curious. 

"Hmm", Chopper hummed, looking at the screen. Apparently he hadn't been listening to Sanji's question. But he didn't look concerned, so Sanji was prepared to wait a bit. Instead he looked down at himself and the slight bump that had developed over the last month. It wasn't straight in the middle of his stomach, but rather offset a bit to the left, which made it look pretty weird. 

Of course it was going to look weird no matter what, since it was a baby bump on a guy, but were it in the middle he could probably have pretended he was just getting a beer gut. 

Honestly he wasn't quite sure how he felt about it showing. It made it somehow more real and a whole lot more scary. Not in the "might be a monster that wants to devour your insides way", everyone had made sure he'd been thinking about that a lot, initially, but in the "holy crap, there's really a baby in there, and I'm gonna be a dad, and what if I screw up, I'm not ready for this, how do you even hold babies?" way. 

Which was a whole lot more scary, really. 

"Okay… so, this is either a parasite, or a horrible monster, or…" Chopper said, turning the screen so that Sanji could properly see it. "… a girl!"

Sanji stared at the screen, and to be honest he couldn't tell, because the picture didn't look all that different from last week, and while he could tell where the head was and the limbs, he couldn't really see much else in the mess of black and white, but if Chopper was right…

"Really? A girl?", Sanji found himself repeating breathlessly. He blinked a few times, eyes fixed on the image. A baby girl… he'd pictured himself a few times as a daddy, imagining both girl and a boy but knowing it… He felt something melting inside of him and he pressed his hands together as little pink hearts started sprewing from his eyes. Had he been standing he would've been noodle dancing right about now. 

"As far as I can tell… the predictions based on an ultrasound are never a hundred percent accurate, but I've had this theory for a while, and it always looks like it, so I'm pretty confident in this." 

"Aw", was really all Sanji could think of to say. Oh he was going to spoil her so much, he wouldn't be able to help it. 

But it also enhanced his "this is really happening" worries, because knowing which gender it was made it all the more real… Usopp had just asked him last week what names he was considering, and he'd said there was no point thinking about it if he didn't even know if it was male or female, yet, but now… 

"I'm not really happy with the placenta, though…", Chopper said, and his worried tone immediately snapped Sanji out of his zone. 

"What do you mean?", he asked. 

"Well, it's not quite at the artery that I'm worried about, yet, but it's a lot closer than I'm strictly comfortable with. If this continues like this, I might have to put you on bed rest", Chopper said. 

"Bed rest?", Sanji asked, incredulously. "I'm four months in, Chopper. You really want me to just lie around for five months?"

"Well honestly I'd be surprised if this lasts nine months. The risk of complication is so high we might have to deliver a lot sooner than that… and every minute we can delay that is a win for it. So you're going to have to get used to the idea, because there's probably no way around it."

"Oh. And what do you mean by that, what sort of complications?" 

"Well its blood supply is not optimal, and the placenta is not as stable as it would be in a uterus, so it's possible that at some point it doesn't get enough oxygen and then it would be better to deliver. That's not an immediate risk, but I do want to start you on glucocorticoids pretty soon to help along lung development", Chopper explained. 

"Okay", Sanji said, somewhat concerned. It was probably a positive sign that Chopper had started talking about things that could be dangerous to the baby and not just to him, because for quite a while it had sounded like Chopper didn't actually believe the baby stood any chance whatsoever. "So how soon do you think I need to stay in bed?" 

"I'm not quite sure yet, but probably pretty soon. I think we should look at it again next week and decide then", Chopper mused. 

"So, that means I still have some freedom left this week?", Sanji summarized with a grin. 

"Enjoy it while it lasts!" 

* * *

"What's with the cook book?", Zoro asked as he entered the kitchen. He was referring to the book that was currently open on Sanji's lap.

"There's recipes in there", Sanji said. He was busy peeling potatoes, sitting on the barstool that had taken up permanent residence in the kitchen. 

"And since when do you need that?", Zoro asked, picking up another knife and starting to peel some potatoes as well. Their arrangement for cooking help had thus far been surprisingly successful. The marimo wasn't actually quite as stupid as Sanji had always believed and had picked up the basics of what he needed to do pretty quickly. 

Even if he'd made some mistakes that had made Sanji curse at not being allowed to kick him around the kitchen, overall it had worked out well enough that they'd kept doing it. Mostly because Chopper thought it was a great idea, really. 

"It's just to help me focus, don't worry about it", Sanji said. 

"And why do you need help focussing?", Zoro pried further. Then he turned to Sanji as a thought seemed to occur to him. "Are you having cravings?" 

"Shut your face, marimo", Sanji said with an inward groan. Since when was the stupid swordsman this damn perceptive? Well, to be honest he always had been, but did he really have to do that outside of a fight?

"So what, you really want to fry some cucumbers now or something?", Zoro teased. "Or did you already combine a noodle salad with strawberries and now you're trying to find something for the rest of us to eat?" 

"No. I'm only looking at the book to remind myself that I don't actually want to eat any of the things that keep occurring to me. I'm not going to give in to some stupid cravings, much less let them influence my cooking for the crew. I am a skilled cook who makes the decisions on what to eat based on sensible things, such as our supplies and the food's nutritional content." 

"Ah", Zoro said, looking amused. 

"And what you said is disgusting, none of my cravings are that weird", Sanji said. 

"And what are you craving then?", Zoro asked. 

"I'm having a Luffy day", Sanji admitted. "All I can think of is meat. And in more than one way, too, If it weren't 'strenuous activity' I'd probably jump you and take you right here on the kitchen table. … Wait… did I just say that out loud?" 

Zoro let out a loud guffawing laugh and Sanji had to fight the urge to bury his face in his hands in mortification because he was holding a potato in one and a knife in the other. This was the first time he'd expressed any physical interest in Zoro other than that drunken night that may or may not have led to his current inability to perform strenuous task. 

And he wasn't even drunk! He had no excuse! 

Oh but he did! "Sorry… crazy hormones, forget that I said that", he mumbled. 

"Sure", Zoro said curtly. Sanji was just about to breathe a sigh of relief at the marimo uncharacteristically letting go a prime opportunity to mock the chef when he went on, more quietly "but, if I didn't forget it, I'm sure we could find a solution to your predicament where you didn't have to move at all." 

Sanji's brain skidded to a stop at that. He couldn't help staring at the marimo with wide eyes. 

Even getting over the shock of hearing that, and ignoring that the look on the marimo's face was pretty damn inviting and – dare he say it? –Attractive and he could just take up that offer and… no, shush, bad Sanji! 

This was not what their relationship was like, that drunken night had been a one time event, and neither of them had ever expressed any interest when sober… but that didn't necessarily mean that no interest existed… 

And he was already possibly carrying Zoro's baby (but mostly his own!), so where would be the harm in maybe enjoying some benefits…? If the child turned out to have green hair he'd probably have a hard time convincing people that he was completely one hundred percent straight, anyway… 

He cleared his throat, stopped staring at the swordsman (who, judging by his grin probably found Sanji's flustered state funny, the bastard) and refocused his attention on his half peeled potato. 

"We need to make lunch", he said, pointedly not looking at Zoro. 

They continued working in silence for a while, with the occasional cooking instruction thrown in. 

"So how's the little monster, anyway? Chopper checked you over earlier, right?", Zoro asked when he was putting the casserole into the oven. 

"Don't call her that!", Sanji yelled, doing his best not to kick the marimo in the head because he wasn't allowed to do that. "This might be your child!" 

"Yes, and in that case it's yours and mine. You do know they call us the monster trio, right?", Zoro said unimpressed. 

"I don't care, _you_ don't get to say that", Sanji emphasized. "And she's fine, but Chopper wants to put me on bed rest for the next five months. I'll probably turn into a vegetable. Kinda like your head." 

"Five months? Well if he thinks that's necessary he's probably got a point. If it helps at not getting your insides ripped open it's probably worth it", Zoro mused. Sanji hummed in agreement, somewhat unhappily, but he knew it couldn't be helped. "Wait, she?" 

"Yes!", Sanji said, and he couldn't really help the happy little squeal that escaped him at that. "Chopper thinks it's a girl, He says he's not a hundred percent sure, but I trust him." 

"Oh", Zoro said, and Sanji wasn't exactly sure what the swordsman thought of this news, but at least his perpetual frown seemed to have smoothed over at this. That was probably a good sign. 

"Princess is probably better as a pet name than as a first name, right?", Sanji asked, really trying to think up better ideas for a name, but unable to get over that melting feeling that was overcoming him again. "Do you have any ideas?" 

"Uh…" Zoro said eloquently, before shaking his head slightly and starting to get a facial expression that was more like himself again. "It might not be mine, so shouldn't you come up with the name?" 

"Sure, but I'm probably going to ask the others for opinions too, and right now I'm asking you, if you had a daughter, what would you want to call her?" 

"Uh… well there might be… nevermind, it's stupid…" Zoro said, and Sanji was surprised to see there was actually a slight blush on his face. Who would've thought that a guy who casually cut ships in half and had suggested trying to jack Sanji off less than ten minutes ago could get this flustered over baby names. 

"What? I promise I won't laugh, I am looking for suggestions", Sanji said, discreetly crossing his fingers, because, well, he probably would laugh. "But you should know that I'm probably not going to call her anything moss-related, no matter how happy that would make your algeaous ancestry." 

"Shut up, you're the only one that's obsessed with moss", Zoro grumbled, his blush not receding any. 

Sanji was just  about to reply something, when Usopp's voice came over the speakers and interrupted. 

"Land ho!" 

* * *

If Sanji had to pinpoint what he liked least about being pregnant, he'd have plenty of annoyances to choose from. People fuzzing over him could get pretty annoying, and ever since he'd started showing more than one person had felt inclined to touch his stomach with little to no warning, especially the captain who never ever listened when Sanji tried convincing him to stop it. 

Not being allowed to drink was not a huge problem, because there were plenty of non-alcoholic beverages that he enjoyed just as much. Not being allowed to smoke on the other hand had made him pretty crabby in the beginning, snapping at people for no reason, and even though he was pretty much over that he still had the habit of reaching for his cigarettes every now and then, and when he didn't find them he always felt crabby about them. 

The fact that several of his favorite shirts had started straining was also near the top of the list. 

But if he had to pick a favorite among the things he hated, it would have to be hands down the boredom. 

He hadn't stepped foot on any island ever since he'd found out he was pregnant, and while he loved living on ships and the Thousand Sunny was a very pleasant place to be, he was getting pretty bored staying behind _every single time_. And hearing about the adventures he'd missed afterwards and how they'd been awesome, and he should've seen it was not helping much. 

He sighed as he reflected on this staring at the pretty grassy island they'd docked at that he wasn't allowed to step foot on. He was leaning on the railing and felt reminded that this would be a perfect moment to smoke a cigarette. Which he wasn't allowed to do and there weren't even any on the boat anymore, because Chopper, Usopp and Luffy had turned finding his secret stashes and throwing them into the ocean into a sort of hide and seek game. 

He wouldn't have smoked them, anyway, he knew the rules.

He hoped the others would follow his shopping list to the letter. He really didn't like that he didn't have any influence on what they bought anymore, because he considered the food supplies to be his personal duty. But thus far they hadn't let him down, so he probably didn't have anything to worry about. 

Not that not having anything to worry about had ever been a compelling reason for him to stop being worried. 

Well, he could probably start planning meals that were easy to make by others if he was really gonna be confined to bed rest next week. Which would probably be even more annoying and boring than just staying behind on the ship while everyone was on an island, but he didn't have a choice. If his doctor said he had to do it, he just had to. 

He turned around and headed back up the stairs to the galley. Just as he reached the door, mentally already compiling what he knew of every crew member's cooking ability, he heard a noise. 

Sanji spun around, just in time to see someone dressed in black climb over the railing onto the grass deck. He was torn between two options, confronting the guy and just getting inside the galley and barricading the door. 

It went against all his instincts honed by years of fighting, but he knew the rules, so he grabbed the door handle. 

"Don't touch that", a cold voice instructed, accompanied by the click of a gun. "Turn around" 

Sanji stopped himself from touching the door and turned around slowly. He regarded his opponent coolly, not showing any emotions, even though he was mentally cursing. 

The man was dressed in black from head to toe and was holding a gun pointed at Sanji's head. He was already at the stairs and starting to climb them, minimizing the distance between them and thereby probably also increasing the accuracy of his aim should he decide to shoot. _Shit._

"You're Blackleg Sanji, aren't you?", the man said in a conversational tone. Sanji didn't react, just concentrating on keeping up his best pokerface. Which would've looked so much more nonchalant if he had a cigarette, but that wasn't really the main problem here. 

"That wanted poster is atrocious. I almost didn't recognize you." 

At that Sanji couldn't help rolling his eyes. "I'm aware", he said. "What do you want?" 

"Well, that 77 million berry bounty on your head sounds pretty appealing, why don't we start with that?", the guy said, with a smile that could almost be considered charming, but that Sanji was just itching to wipe off his face with a well-placed kick. Which he wasn't allowed to do. 

"And what makes you think you have any chance of getting that?", Sanji answered coldly. 

"Well, I have some ideas. Even if that probably doesn't get me the full amount", the man said. 

He pulled the trigger almost simultaneously. 

Sanji was never more glad to have learned color of observation haki than at this moment, as he twisted out of the way just in time. 

Or almost in time. He cursed when he noticed the graze on his arm. 

"Where are your manners? Just climb on someone's ship and start shooting? I mean, really…", Sanji said, trying to seem unfazed.

Under normal circumstances this would not be a huge problem, just kick the guy off the ship preferably with a cracked skull and the whole thing would be over, but Chopper's voice echoed through his head _No fighting. Under no circumstances!_  

But getting shot also wasn't a good course of action. He didn't have to overexert himself, if he did it right…

"Well, you have a pretty damn noticeable ship right here, how could I resist?", the guy said and pointed his gun at Sanji's head. 

 _Sorry. Just hold on, okay, I promise this'll be over real quick_ , he thought towards his little girl. In the next moment he hit the guy's hand with a roundhouse kick. The gun flew out of his hand and clattered down to the grass deck. 

"And here I was thinking you were a pacifist or something", the guy said and grinned. "Looks like this hunt might turn out interesting, after all." 

Sanji didn't answer in words but instead with a kick aimed at the guy's stomach. He didn't put his full power into it, trying not to overexert himself. 

Which turned out to be a mistake when the guy caught his foot and used the leverage to twist Sanji around. The cook caught himself inches before slamming face first on the floor and pushed himself off the floor and towards his attacker that was still holding his foot with enough force to make him stagger and lose his grip 

It also unbalanced Sanji, but he managed to pull his feet back underneath himself. He jumped up on one leg, and spun around to face his attacker again, extending the other in a roundhouse kick. 

The guy hadn't recovered from his loss of balance, yet and Sanji's kick hit him right in the face, making him fall over the railing and down onto the grass deck. 

Sanji ran down the stairs, because he knew jumping down the railing wasn't a great idea even if it was faster. By the time he was down the stairs the bounty hunter had recovered enough to throw a knife at Sanji, which he dodged with ease. By now he was convinced that if he could fight at full power the guy would never even have posed a problem. 

Sanji dodged a second throwing knife, only to realize a fraction of a second too late that his enemy was charging at him, and that dodging the knife had put him right in his path. 

He managed to twist out of the way enough to avoid the full impact of the bounty hunter's punch, but he was caught in the shoulder. Ignoring the pain he dropped low and swiped the guy's feet out from under him. Then he jumped up onto his hands and kicked up with both feet, catching his attacker under the chin. 

The attack left his opponent dazed and Sanji pressed his advantage by kicking him in the stomach as soon as he'd jumped back to his feet. 

The kick was strong enough to send his opponent flying across the deck and over the railing. 

A moment later there was a satisfying splash and Sanji couldn't help grinning. So not doing anything for a month didn't mean he was completely helpless. And now he could get to compiling those recipes… 

 _Shit_.

There was a sudden stabbing pain in his abdomen, he pressed a hand to it, immediately.

He had overdone it, then. But just letting himself get shot hadn't been an option either, he hadn't had a choice. 

His breathing was getting faster and he was breaking out in cold sweat. Bad, very bad. This was exactly the sort of situation Chopper had mentioned, _Sit down wherever you are and get someone else to get me._

But there was no one else on the ship. He couldn't just sit down and wait, what if they came back in a few hours, or tomorrow? 

He needed to get to the denden mushi in the kitchen, but as he curled in on himself from the pain the distance suddenly seemed insurmountable. He staggered over to the stairs and grabbed onto the handrail like a life line. 

 _Come on, little monster, we can do this, just hold on for a bit_ , Sanji thought as he pulled himself up the stairs. The pain was so bad he wanted to throw up, but he resisted the urge. Just keep going. His heart was beating like crazy, and he was starting to loose his focus, but he didn't stop putting one foot after the other up. 

Dammit, why didn't they just have denden mushis everywhere? He kept the pressure on his abdomen, but by now his hand was cold with sweat and his strength was leaving him. 

 _Just three more steps_ , he told himself. His hand on the rail was the only thing keeping him halfway upright when all he really wanted to do was curl up on himself. 

 _Two more._ He dragged his foot up, and followed with the other one. _Just focus on going forward. Just one more step…_

He almost saw it in slow motion when his foot caught on the top step and he fell face first onto the the upper deck. He brought his arms forward to try and catch himself, but his movements were sluggish and he hit the floor with a force that rattled him to the core. 

His world was spinning as he tried to push himself back up. He managed to shakily raise his upper body, but then his strength gave out and he fell back down. The galley door was just a few short metres from where he was lying, but as he looked up he could barely see it. Everything seemed muddy and indistinct. 

"Help", he managed to croak out in a small voice before his world went black. 

But there was no one around to hear it. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: I usually don't do warnings, but this chapter will be medically explicit. Meaning blood and operations and that sort of thing. If you don't like that, skip after the POV changes to Chopper. The beginning of the next chapter will mention the most important results of what happens here, so don't worry.

This was a really fucking boring island. It looked like the same bit of grassy lose forrest everywhere, not much variety and Zoro had yet to get to a town. Maybe it was uninhabited. 

But really, if all he wanted was grass he could've just stayed on the Sunny. The grass there was kept better, there was a swing… and also the cause of the whole issue he was stuck thinking about was staying there, because he wasn't allowed to leave anymore. 

The issue of baby names shouldn't bother him this much. He knew that, but somehow he was a lot more torn up about it than you would expect. 

The name 'Kuina' had just immediately popped up inside his head when Sanji had asked what he wanted his daughter to be called, and it just wouldn't stop bothering him. 

It wasn't that he'd always dreamt of having a daughter and calling her that, he'd never even wanted children so he hadn't spent much thought on names. But it had seemed absolutely fitting to him when he'd been asked the question and then he'd been overcome with doubt. Because really, this was Sanji's child, probably not even related Zoro, so the name should be something that Sanji associated something with, not him. Sanji didn't even know Kuina's story, why should he name his daughter after her?

And he wasn't sure if he really wanted to call his child that, either. He was dedicating his life to their promise, but did he really want to put this on his offspring as well? _Yes, you're called after my dead childhood friend_ … didn't sound all that great. 

He suddenly noticed that the ocean was a lot louder than he was expecting it to be. Looking up, he realized that he was standing in front of the Thousand Sunny, at the shore. 

Maybe there'd been a reason why everywhere he went had looked like the same forrest. But he wasn't quite willing to admit to that, not even in the privacy of his own head. 

At least no one had seen him and could tease about the 'little lost marimo'. The idiot didn't even have a right to call Zoro little, he was a centimeter shorter than the swordsman!

Zoro turned around to go back the way he'd come and maybe find a town or something this time. But then he didn't really want anything specific on the island, he didn't need to find a town, he wasn't trying to buy anything. And running around in the forrest hadn't really gotten him closer to figuring out what he wanted to do about the naming issue, so there was no real reason to continue.

He could just go back to the ship and spend some time with Sanji and whoever was stuck watching the ship with him. The love cook had been complaining about boredom at not being allowed to go to the islands, and Zoro didn't have anything better to do. 

Plus if he got there unexpectedly he might see the cook succumbing to one of his cravings and that would be fucking funny. 

Honestly he didn't even get why Sanji was making such a big deal out of resisting them, if everyone got them when pregnant they probably weren't harmful, and the idiot could stand to gain some more weight, anyway. He was eating for two, wasn't he? 

That decided, Zoro turned around and went back to the ship. 

He didn't notice anything out of the ordinary until he turned to head to the galley and saw a foot poking out at the top of the stairs. Black shoes, black pants… 

"Oi", he called and ran up, taking the stairs two at a time. The cook was lying on his stomach, unmoving. Zoro crouched down beside him and noticed that there was a tear in Sanji's right sleeve. And a bullet hole near the galley door. 

"Shit", Zoro grumbled as he grabbed the cook by the shoulders to turn him around. His face was pale and his skin clammy and sweaty. But at least he was breathing. Breathing really fast and his face was scrunched up even though he was unconscious. But breathing. Which reminded Zoro that he should probably try doing so himself, again. 

He could see no sign of an attacker, but if there had been a fight whoever had stayed on the ship should have heard and come to help and Sanji shouldn't just be lying on deck… unless there was no one.

"Oi, anyone there?", Zoro yelled for confirmation. There was no response… Damn it, they'd always left someone else on the ship in case something happened but this time… he couldn't for the life of him remember who they'd designated. Because apparently they hadn't designated anyone. 

"Cook, can you hear me?", he asked, not really expecting an answer because he'd just yelled really loud near him and he hadn't reacted at all. But he shook the cook's shoulders anyway. "Sanji! Wake up!"

Chopper needed to be here. Right now. 

Zoro made to get up to get to the denden mushi in the kitchen when he vaguely remembered something about how you're supposed to turn unconscious people on their side for some reason or other. So he awkwardly turned the cook to the side and kind of propped his head on his arm because it looked wrong at first. 

It took him three strides to make it to the denden mushi, and he somehow managed to knock over a chair and he didn't really know how that happened but he did know it didn't matter. 

He grabbed the phone's receiver and the next few seconds listening to his own thundering heartbeat in his ears seemed like the longest of his life. 

"Hello?" the snail said, its eyes turning large and round. 

"Chopper you need to get back to the ship, the cook's injured", Zoro said. 

"What? What happened, how is he?" the snail yelled, its eyes bugging forward. 

"I don't know, I just got back to the ship and found him unconscious, it looks like there was a fight", Zoro rattled off. 

"A fight? Unconscious! Oh my god he needs a doctor", the snail yelled, sounding like it was about to start hyperventilating. 

"I know, that's why I'm calling one", Zoro practically growled into the receiver. Usually he was kinder to the little reindeer, but he really didn't have the patience to deal with any panic attacks right now. And he suspected the cook didn't have the time. A thought that made his insides feel like ice. 

"I'll be right there", the denden mushi yapped, right before closing its eyes and falling asleep. Zoro slammed the receiver down and ran back outside. 

The cook looked no different from when he'd left him there, but Zoro shook his shoulders again, anway as he knelt down. "Sanji!" 

There was no reaction, just the sound of that quick pained breathing. Zoro pulled the cook's head into his lap, because that had to be more comfortable than the way he'd been lying before. 

He considered getting him inside, but he didn't know if he should move him, didn't even really know what was wrong, so he was stuck sitting there and waiting for Chopper. 

He looked around the deck, but he still couldn't find any sign of an attacker. So whoever it was Sanji had probably disposed of them. Zoro couldn't see any other wounds on him other than that scratch on his arm that was barely even bleeding. 

He did spot a gun on the grass deck, though. Damn. Sanji probably hadn't had a choice about fighting back, and all because they'd been stupid enough not to leave anyone there.

The cook definitely would have noticed, even if it had somehow escaped the others in the chaos of discovering a new island. Zoro had just assumed someone was staying, and so had probably everyone else. But Sanji could've just said something. 

Probably didn't like the idea of being babysat, stubborn asshole. 

Speaking of baby… This was probably exactly what Chopper had been talking about. _No fighting_ had been one of his primary rules and the one that Zoro had had to remind himself of most frequently, because being pregnant didn't stop the cook from being one annoying bastard most of the time. 

So maybe the whole thing about what to name the child wouldn't even be an issue anymore. 

And maybe looking for a new cook would be…

Zoro pulled Sanji up higher by snaking one arm under his armpit. His hand rested on the cook's chest, and he felt the shallow rise and fall of it. No, they would not be looking for a replacement cook, Sanji was breathing and he was gonna keep doing it and that was all there was to it. 

He put his other hand on Sanji's abdomen and almost jerked back when he realized that it was rock hard. Probably not a good sign. Not for Sanji and even less for the little monster. _Maybe your daughter, maybe Kuina's the perfect name and maybe you're losing your only chance at founding a family._

He really hoped Chopper hurried up. Because he didn't really like the thoughts that were popping into his head uninvited. Usually when something like this happened, rare though it was, he'd just meditate until the doubts went away, but  that wasn't an option now. 

Instead he pulled the cook closer to him. Which was the closest they'd ever been to hugging and maybe if he did that long enough it would aggravate the cook long enough to complain. 

He stared at the gun down on the grass deck. Damn he was just itching to find whoever had come to the ship and made this happen and give them a taste of absolute hell. 

"Where is he, what happened?", Choppers voice sounded from beyond the ship, just a moment before his head appeared over the railing. Zoro released a sigh of relief. 

"Over here!", he yelled, and Chopper transformed to heavy point before running up the stairs. Robin came up the railing behind him. They'd been looking for books or something together, Zoro vaguely recalled. 

"What happened?", Chopper asked again as he slid down next to Zoro and the cook and immediately started taking Sanji's pulse with one hand and feeling his forehead with the other. 

"I don't know, he was unconscious when I got here. It looks like there was a fight, though", Zoro replied, even if he'd said all of that before on the denden mushi. 

"A fight? How could you let that happen?", Chopper asked accusingly. 

"I didn't, I wasn't here", Zoro said, but it sounded somewhat hollow to his own ears. If he had been there, this wouldn't have happened, so really he didn't have an excuse.

"What? Then who was?", Chopper asked. He took both hands and pressed down on Sanji's stomach. "Damn it." 

"No one, apparently. We all forgot", Zoro said. 

"No one?", Chopper looked stricken at that. Robin, who'd come up the stairs now, too, looked equally shocked, which was rare for her. "But there's always someone who stays!" 

"Apparently this time there wasn't. More important, can you fix this?" 

"I have to operate immediately, it looks like he has internal bleeding", Chopper said. "Help me carry him to the infirmary, Robin can you assist me with the surgery?" 

"Of course", the archaeologist replied. 

"I'll take his feet", Chopper said. "On three" 

He counted to three and they both lifted the cook up. Not that it really would've taken both of them, the cook wasn't particularly heavy and either of them would've been sufficient to carry him, but it was probably better this way. Internal bleeding… 

Zoro did his best not to worry about that too much and focused on going through the galley slowly and without jostling the cook. 

They reached the infirmary without problem and gently deposited the cook on the cot. It gave Zoro a good look at his face, that still looked pained and very pale. 

"What do you need me to do?", Zoro asked. 

"Actually, there's not that much room, and Robin can summon hands, so it's probably better if you wait outside, sorry", Chopper said, already taking out stuff from his cabinets. 

"Right", Zoro said. He didn't like not being able to do anything, but he could see the logic. "I'm counting on you." 

And with that Zoro left the infirmary, feeling oddly empty handed. He stood in the galley indecisively for a moment, before sitting down at the bench and settling himself in to wait. 

It would probably be a long one.

* * *

"Undress him, please", Chopper said, looking through his cabinets. Intubation kit, iv set, catheter and which anesthetic should he use? He took out a bottle of disinfectant and put it next to all the other stuff he'd taken out. 

Only then did it occur to him that asking Robin to undress Sanji was somewhat weird. But she didn't complain and had already gone to work when he turned around. At least that sufficiently proved that the cook was definitely unconscious. 

"I need you to take his blood pressure. You remember how, right?", Chopper asked as he went over to the medicine cabinet. 

"Yes", Robin confirmed and a newly conjured hand took the blood pressure cuff and stethoscope out of his desk drawer. 

He was really glad now that he'd taken the time to teach Robin some basic medical skills, because he really didn't have the time to do everything at once right now. The main reason had been  her multitude of hands which made her the perfect assistant. He'd discovered that all the hands Robin summoned were aseptic. Her devil's fruit power only conjured the hands themselves, not the microorganisms usually inhabiting human skin, too. 

So she didn't need to disinfect her hands in order to help out with medical procedures which could save some valuable time. Count to that her ability to concentrate and work unfazed by things like blood she was perfectly suited to help him out here. 

He took out the vials holding a muscle paralytic and a sedative. He drew each of them out in syringes and put them aside for later use. 

"I think the blood pressure was ninety to sixty", Robin announced, removing the stethoscope from her ears. "It was difficult to hear." 

 _Dammit._ "Okay, I'm gonna need you to measure this continuously, every five minutes. You can just leave the cuff on. Can you attach the heart monitor?", Chopper said, gesturing to the device. It was new, standing next to the sonogram and had cost a whole lot of money which had Nami complaining a lot. He'd insisted on it though, and he was glad he had. He had a feeling this wasn't the last time they'd need to carefully monitor someone that way. 

"The little clip goes on his finger, any finger, and you can just take the cover off the electrodes and stick them on. The red one goes on the right shoulder, the yellow one on the left shoulder and the green one down on the left side, around there", Chopper said. He gestured towards the spot, slightly below the ribcage. Usually he'd put it further down, but it needed to be away from where he would be cutting.

"What about the big ones?" Robin asked, pulling out two large flat electrodes that were attached to the heart monitor. 

"Oh we don't need those, now", Chopper said. Hopefully they wouldn't be needing them at all. 

"When you're done get me two bottle of Ringer's solution from the cabinet behind me, please, and prepare them for transfusion. You can hang them up, there's hooks on the ceiling." He'd specifically asked Franky to install those recently, because being encumbered with an iv stand in the cramped room just took up unnecessary space. 

While explaining he pumped up the blood pressure cuff, because it was more convenient than getting an extra tourniquet and it did basically the same thing. As he sprayed some disinfectant on Sanji's arm he was grateful for the cook's pale complexion and his muscular build, otherwise he'd be having a lot of trouble finding a vein at that blood pressure. 

As it was he took the iv needle between his thumb and forefinger and guided it into the median cubital vein without any trouble. He pulled the needle back, leaving only the vein catheter in, and released the pressure from the cuff. He pressed down on the vein to quench the blood flow. 

He looked up to see the infusion dangling from the ceiling already. Robin was really quick. "Thanks", he said and attached the tube to the vein. The flow started nicely so he went over to the other arm to repeat the procedure. They would probably need to substitute a lot of volume and having more ivs could only help with that. On second though he injected some epinephrine into the first infusion to hopefully get the blood pressure up.

"Put the oxygen mask on him please, and turn the tab on the bottle all the way", Chopper said. 

Meanwhile he went to grab his syringes and injected the the sedative first. Not that Sanji really needed that all that much, he was completely out of it, anyway. He injected the muscle relaxant second and then went to grab the intubation kit. 

"I need his lower abdomen free, can you put surgical drapes everywhere else? And put disinfectant on the site, lots of it, please?", Chopper instructed. Robin nodded and got the disinfectant bottle off the desk. 

Chopper removed the oxygen mask from Sanji's face and hoped he'd been breathing pure oxygen long enough to cover the gap between the muscle relaxant stopping his breathing and Chopper getting the tube in. 

He folded the laryngoscope out. A little light at the end of it lit up. He took Sanji's head and tilted it back to get better access to his airway. As he did that the blond hair parted and he could see both of Sanji's eyebrows at the same time. That reminded him of who exactly he was operating on, not that he'd forgotten, but it filled him with new fear. 

That was the main problem with being a ship's doctor as opposed to just treating people you didn't know. Sometimes it was really hard to stay professional and not start panicking. 

But he didn't have time for panic or fear and he stuck the laryngoscope  into Sanji's mouth and pulled up. Luckily the cook hadn't thrown up and the airway was clearly visible. Chopper took the tube he'd picked and pushed it through the triangle formed by the vocal chords. He didn't push too deep careful not to push it into either of the main bronchia which would leave the other lung unventilated. He injected a bit of air into the tube's cuff so that it stayed in place and then attached the Ambu bag to it. 

He put everything aside and gently pumped some air into Sanji's lungs, taking his stethoscope to check if the breath sounds were even. They were. 

"Robin, I need you to to keep him ventilated. Just take the bag in your hand like this", Chopper demonstrated, his lightly grabbing the top of it. "And then press it together, not all the way, just like this. Keep doing that at the rate you're breathing yourself." 

"Understood", Robin said and a hand appeared next to his taking over. Chopper just had to marvel at her ability to multitask. He knew that if he had her devil's fruit power he knew he'd have trouble keeping straight what each of them was supposed to do. 

But then if he had eaten her fruit he wouldn't even be able to summon hands, just lots and lots of hooves. 

He looked at the heart monitor and checked the oxygen saturation. That was fine, but the heartrate was 150, in relation to a systolic blood pressure of 90 that meant he was in shock.

"What's the blood pressure, now?", Chopper asked, when he realized that one hand and a disembodied ear and eye were now on blood pressure duty. 

"80 over 50", a mouth on the wall announced while Robin herself carried the drapes over. 

"Dammit", Chopper said. "Can you prepare a blood transfusion, please? The blood packs are under the other infusion bottles, they're all labeled with names and blood types." He, meanwhile busied himself preparing for a foley catheter. Which he might not even need, because with a blood pressure of 80 the kidneys would probably not be producing a lot of urine anymore, but with a little luck they'd be able to raise the pressure back up, soon. 

Chopper was getting a bit impatient as he applied some lubricant to the catheter and then pushed it in. Damn he was getting jealous of other doctors that performed surgeries in teams of 3 doctors or more plus nurses. Then all of this stuff would've gone much faster, but he knew he couldn't skip any of the steps. 

As soon as he saw urine filling the bag attached to the catheter he hung it up at the side of the bed and discard the gloves he'd been wearing. He went to the sink and put on a surgical mask and a coat before he started scrubbing in. 

"There are quite a lot of cook-san's blood type", Robin remarked, looking at the collection of blood packs. "Is that because of his nose bleeding issue?" Chopper didn't have to turn around to know that the packs with Sanji's name were as many as all the others combined. 

"Well, partially, yes, but mostly it's because he's S negative, that means he's a universal donor. So if I ever run out of any of the other's blood type in a crisis I can just use those, that's why I stocked so many", Chopper explained. "You should put on a cap and mask, too." 

"Of course, right away", Robin said. A hand appeared next to the sink, plucked the items from their boxes and then several more formed a line handing them to her. 

Chopper meanwhile slipped into his sterile gloves. "There's a set of surgical instruments on the sliding table next to the bed, can you please remove the cover? Make sure only to use your hana hana hands on those, though." 

Robin nodded and Chopper went over to the bed, holding his hands out in front of him, making sure not to touch anything. 

He took a moment to check the heart monitor and the hand holding the ambu bag. It had taken them around fifteen minutes to get everything ready, which was good, really good, overall, but they had no idea how long Sanji had been lying on the stairs before they'd arrived. 

"Blood pressure?", he asked. 

"75 over 45"

 _No time to lose_ , Chopper thought. "Alright, let's do this. Scalpel"

He held out his hand and Robin handed him the instrument. For a moment he hesitated, thinking about the best way to cut, but then he realized that there was no way he could avoid a large incision, that would scar. 

He settled on a slightly curved line starting around the middle of the left abdomen and sweeping down towards the middle. He took a piece of gauze to absorb the bleeding. "Forceps. The Small ones" 

He used them to keep a hold on the skin while he worked his way through the subcutaneus tissue with the scalpel. He requested another size scalpel when he reached the muscle and worked his way further down. 

As soon as he opened up the peritoneum, blood came rushing out and he had to press down with several pieces of gauze before he could even see anything again. 

He opened up the cut further with scissors, until he finally had a relatively good view of the abdominal cavity. There was a lot of blood there. 

"60 over 30", Robin announced. 

"Keep an eye on the infusions, keep them coming, we need to get his pressure back up. And hang up another blood transfusion, he's gonna need it", Chopper said. He put the instruments aside and plunged his hands in. He pushed the small intestine out of the way to get a view of the back of the abdominal lining where the problem was located. 

What he saw was mostly blood, but he was pretty sure he could see the source of the bleeding. Left iliac artery just as he'd been fearing. 

He pressed a hand down on the tear, which wasn't all that large, and looked like it would be pretty straightforward to fix. He looked around next to it. 

When he spotted what he was looking for his stomach dropped. "No…" he said in a small voice and so much for staying professional. 

"What is it?", Robin asked, worry in her tone. 

"Little monster, she…" Chopper had so sniff, which was awkward with the surgical mask on and it would be even worse if he cried, _get yourself together!_ "The placenta is almost completely detached, there's nothing I can do for her." 

"Oh", Robin said, and Chopper wasn't sure if the disappointment he heard was just him projecting. This wasn't supposed to hit him like this, dammit. He'd known this would happen, had been warning everyone of it all the time, it wasn't surprising. 

That didn't change the fact that he'd been thinking about baby names, too, and Franky and Usopp had built this adorable crib and Robin had just bought this children's book…

And the detached placenta was a huge risk for Sanji, too, not just the torn artery, the area where it had been was almost bigger than Chopper's hand and all of it was bleeding. 

He pushed a huge chunk of gauze on the area at the same time as he pushed his feelings down. He needed to focus if he didn't want Sanji to follow his daughter's example (and he'd been so excited, too… _no, focus!_ ).

"Chopper! I can't find a pulse", Robin said urgently and a hand appeared in front of him, pointing at the heart monitor's screen. It had just started beeping erratically and the ECG line had turned into a series of uncoordinated squiggles. 

V-fib. Cardiac arrest. 

"Come on Sanji! Don't do this!"

 


	6. Chapter 6

Seven hours.

It had been seven hours since he'd put Sanji on that bed, left the room and sat down on the bench. Zoro's buttocks were numb and he was vaguely wondering how he hadn't stared a hole into the floor yet. Not that he really could, but it somehow seemed appropriate. 

Everything in him was itching to move. He was not used to very long periods of inactivity, seeing how he filled almost all of his free time training or sleeping.

And there was absolutely no way he could even think about sleeping now. 

By now the sun had set, and every single crew member apart from the doctor, archaeologist and cook was sitting around the galley table. He'd had to explain how he'd found Sanji and how Robin and Chopper were fighting for his life now to every single one of them, and that hadn't been fun. 

All of them had had an almost identical stricken look when they'd realized that absolutely no one had been left on the ship and none of them had noticed. 

They were all sitting around and not speaking, now. Zoro couldn't remember the last time their crew had been so quiet over such a long period of time. Every now and then someone looked over to the door, but other than that the was little to no motion. 

They were all hungry by now, but amazingly enough no one had complained yet. Not even Luffy. His stomach had growled pretty loudly once, but he'd just longingly stared at the infirmary door and not said anything. 

Zoro himself was sort of aware of being hungry, but he knew that even if there was food he wouldn't be able to eat any of it. 

Really, he just wanted to go out, find whatever asshole had caused this and brutally murder them. But he'd remained rooted to the spot ever since he'd sat down. For some reason staying felt important. Like if he left he would be giving up on the cook, and then it'd be his fault if something happened. 

Realistically Zoro knew that absolutely nothing he did out here would have any impact whatsoever on what was going to happen to the cook, but he still stayed.

"How long has it been now? Seven hours, and no word?", Nami broke the silence. She sounded worried, but then that was pretty much the baseline for anyone in the galley right now. 

"Well it taking longer is probably a positive sign", Brook theorized. "It's much preferable to giving up quickly." 

"I know", Nami admitted with a sigh. "I just hate not knowing and not being able to help." Zoro looked up and saw her fingering a money pouch. Well that wasn't going to help. But then neither were his swords, and he'd kept a hand on their handles, anyway. It was somewhat grounding. 

"Don't worry. Sanji's tough and Chopper's a great Doctor", Luffy said. Several weak smiles answered his confident one, but it seemed as if his optimism just wasn't as infectious right now as usual.

It was another 30 minutes of agonizing silence before the door finally opened. 

Immediately every head sprung up, and they all stared at Robin who came out of the infirmary looking beyond tired. Her hair was sticking up strangely, which Zoro later realized was probably because of a surgical cap. But it was mostly the look on her face that spelled utter exhaustion. Zoro had no idea if that was a bad sign or not. 

"How'd it go?" "How's Sanji?" "What about the little monster?" "What really happened, anyway?" Robin held up a hand to halt the barrage of questions that started as soon as she shut the door behind herself. 

"The operation is over. Doctor-san is still worried, but for the moment, at least, Cook-san's condition is stable", she reported. 

"If he's stable why's Chopper so worried?", Usopp asked.

Robin hesitated for a moment before she continued. "Because Cook-san's heart stopped twice during the operation. Chopper was able to restart it both times, but he's worried about possible damage from this." 

_His heart stopped_ … Zoro was pretty sure he felt his own heart pausing for a moment at that. Damn it… He tried reminding himself that Sanji was stable now, but this meant they'd come a lot closer to losing him than he was comfortable with. He heard various other intakes of breath around the table, but his attention was fixed on the archaeologist. 

"What about the lil' monster?", Franky asked. The slight crunch of Robin's eyebrows told Zoro everything he needed to know even before she slightly shook her head. 

"There was nothing to be done for her, it was too late", Robin said quietly. 

"…Her?", Nami asked with a slight shake to her voice. Right, Sanji had just been told the gender this morning, so not everyone knew about it already… 

It seemed like ages ago, that moment when the cook had practically been bouncing around the kitchen in excitement, dreaming up ways to spoil his daughter. And now he wouldn't have a chance to do any of that.

"Yes." Robin took a deep breath before going on. "Chopper only had time for a short cursory examination but it looks like she was indeed just a perfectly normal human fetus." 

"Oh no…", Nami pressed a hand to her hand to her nose and started blinking rapidly. "Was there really nothing you could do?" 

"No. It was already too late by the time he was found, and according to Doctor-san even if she'd still been alive at that point there would have been no way of fixing the damage. Apparently in a situation like that, where the placenta ruptures, the baby is delivered immediately, but that would've been much too early for little monster." 

There was a momentary pause as everyone stopped to absorb that information. Nami had tears in her eyes, Brook was looking down at the table morosely and had slouched in a way he usually never did. Usopp looked like he was struggling not to cry and Franky had already lost that battle. 

"I bet she would've been an awesome nakama", Luffy said. His head was drooping in a way that made the rubber man look as though he'd melted. 

"She'd have been super!", Franky agreed between sobs. 

"But Sanji-kun's gonna be okay, right?", Nami asked. 

"Hopefully", Robin said. Well that didn't sound all that optimistic to Zoro. But Sanji was tough, he reminded himself, and if any member of their crew would be prone to having a more pessimistic outlook on things it would be Robin. The cook would pull through this, no matter what. 

"Can we go see him?", Usopp asked. 

"Maybe not right away", Robin said delicately. "Chopper suggested you wait till morning." 

* * *

 

They'd all scattered after that, most of them going to sleep while Franky volunteered for watch. Zoro himself tried going to sleep, but he felt way too restless and his thoughts kept drifting back to the cook and the little monster, so after a while he tried training, where he kept losing count of his reps. Eventually he was left with just roaming the ship aimlessly. 

It was nearly three am by the time Zoro decided it was sort of morning and headed over to the infirmary. 

When he opened the door he saw Chopper looking up with a morose look on his face. "Oh, hey Zoro", he said and then went back to staring at a translucent bag hanging from the bed. 

Seeing as how Chopper didn't seem to be in the mood to throw the swordsman out, Zoro took a moment to get a good look at the cook. He was covered in blankets and there was an oxygen mask on his face. The slight mist it was covered in with each breath was really the only indication he was breathing at all. After a moment Zoro also caught the minute movements of his chest, but the size of the little movements told him clearly why Chopper had thought the oxygen mask was a good idea. 

Sanji's face was pale and his skin looked a bit sweaty, but the most disconcerting thing was probably that his hair had fallen differently and now looked like he was wearing a middle part, which was just wrong. 

Zoro felt tempted to correct that, but stopped himself. That would probably give Chopper ideas and then Sanji would be mad at him for it. 

"What are you doing?", Zoro asked instead, looking at the little doctor who was still staring at the clear bag. There was a bit of yellow liquid in it that vaguely reminded the swordsman of apple juice. 

"Waiting for Sanji to pee", Chopper said in a dull tone. 

_Oh_ , Zoro thought when he realized what that liquid was. And looking at the bag he also realized that a little clear tube came out of the top of it and then vanished under the blankets. Which probably led to… _uh._

Well it wasn't that the thought of Sanji's penis embarrassed Zoro, he'd seen it, and even interacted with it before (and would secretly like to do so again at some point, but this was really not the time to be thinking about that). But the thought of having a tube shoved up there… that couldn't be comfortable. 

Then again the cook didn't look like he was waking up anytime soon, so he probably didn't even know that Chopper had done that to him. 

"Why are you so interested in his pee?", Zoro asked. Not really a  conversation he'd ever pictured himself having. 

"Because he was in hypovolemic shock, because of the blood loss, and that might've fried his kidneys. But if he pees, that means they're okay", Chopper explained. He was still looking at the bag as if it had hypnotized him. 

"Oh. So what if they're not?" 

"Then he'd be in acute kidney failure and need dialysis. And we don't have the equipment for that on the ship, and we couldn't build it, either, so if they don't have it on this island we probably couldn't get to it in time, so he'd die", Chopper said. 

"Oh." So that's why Robin had said Chopper was still worried. Zoro had sort of assumed the operation was the worst part, so if the cook made it through that he'd probably be fine, but evidently that wasn't quite right. "But there's already pee in there, doesn't that mean his kidney's are fine?" 

"That's from when I inserted the catheter, that was in his bladder before the operation."

"Oh." And there was the thought of getting a catheter shoved up your urethra again… 

Zoro grabbed a stool and sat down next to the little reindeer. 

"What are you doing?", Chopper asked. 

"Waiting for the pee with you", Zoro said. And tried his best not to review that sentence in his head too intently. "You look like you could use some company." And really, if he was gonna stay up all night worrying about the cook, anyway, might as well do it here. 

"Oh. Thanks." The doctor let out a little sigh. "But you know, the kidney thing isn't even the only problem. His blood pressure was really low the entire time, and his heart stopped twice, and all of that means his brain didn't get all that much oxygen, so there could be brain damage, and there's no way to know." 

"You really think brain damage is going to make much of a difference with this idiot?", Zoro asked, trying to lighten the mood. Looking at the slump of Chopper's shoulders he evidently failed. 

"He's breathing, so that means the brain stem is still functional, but I don't know about the rest of his brain. He might never wake up." 

Zoro didn't say anything to that, because the dry feeling in his throat suddenly made it difficult to speak. He looked at the cook's pale face and was assaulted with visions of coming here and seeing him like this every day, for years, while they all found their dreams and he was just vegetating… no, that wasn't going to happen. Sanji was a tough bastard, and he'd pull through. Believing in your nakama was the basis of this entire crew, so the swordsman wasn't going to start doubting now.

"And when he does wake up I have to tell him about little monster…" Chopper said, distraught. Right, the cook probably wouldn't take that all that well. Again, he thought back on how excited the cook had been about having a little girl. And Chopper was going to have to crush all those dreams… no wonder the little reindeer looked so morose, even if you took into account that he was waiting for someone to pee. 

They sat in silence for a while, both staring at the bag of pee. It was amazing how quickly that had become something normal. 

"It's you, isn't it?", Chopper suddenly said. Zoro looked up at him, confused. "The one who… with little monster… uh… " Chopper looked embarrassed for a moment, and then he started to wave his hooves in front of him frantically.  "If you don't know what I'm talking about just forget I said anything." 

It took Zoro a moment to get it, with the vague allusions, but the fact that Chopper's fur was starting to get up, and Zoro could see a blush on his cheeks even through the hair, gave him a pretty good idea what they were talking about. 

"Yeah, it's me", Zoro confirmed. Chopper immediately looked less terrified of betraying Sanji's trust, but no less embarrassed to be talking about that topic. "How'd you know? I don't think he told you." Sanji would probably rather jam forks into his eyeballs than tell anyone that he'd slept with Zoro. 

"It was just a hunch", Chopper admitted, looking at the floor, now. "You just took care of him so well during this entire thing. I don't really know, I was just guessing." 

"I would've helped, even if I wasn't involved", Zoro said. Not that Chopper's conclusion was wrong, but they were nakama. Was it really so hard to believe that Zoro could just be nice to the cook?

"I know, it's just… the way you were looking at him sometimes… it seemed like there was more going on…", Chopper said. Oh. Well, Zoro had no idea what he'd looked at the cook like, so he didn't know how easy that had been to spot, but he sincerely hoped Chopper had only picked up on it because he'd known that the cook had slept with _someone._

If it turned out anyone else in the crew knew because of the way Zoro had looked at Sanji he had a distinct feeling the whole thing would end with the cook wiping the remains of the swordsman's skull off his dress shoes. Not that he'd actually be able to bash Zoro's skull in, but he'd definitely be angry enough to make a promising attempt. 

"So… I'm thinking of running a test whether or not she's really Sanji's daughter… and yours, too, if you want to know", Chopper said. "I just don't know if I should. What if that makes it worse?" 

"How's the test make it worse?"

"Well, if it turns out she's really his daughter, doesn't that just make losing her hurt even more? And if it turns out she wasn't, doesn't that make the whole thing feel useless and even worse?", Chopper asked. 

"Hm… well I don't know what the cook would say to that", Zoro said, pausing for a moment, looking at the man one the bed, waiting for him to offer an opinion even though he knew he clearly hadn't heard them. "But I think knowing's always better than not knowing. Because you know even if he says he doesn't want to know he'd probably always wonder about it later. I think it's better to be certain. But then it's not really about me, maybe he'll disagree." 

"It is about you, too, though", Chopper said. "You have a right to know, too." 

"Well if the cook doesn't want to know, I'm not going to keep going on about it", Zoro said. Sure, he wanted to know if he'd put Sanji in this position, but even if he was the father, or other father or however, he knew he still wasn't really at fault. That crappy devil's fruit user was to blame, whoever they were. 

"Are you sad?", Chopper asked. "Because she's gone?" 

Zoro looked at the little doctor, wondering how to answer that question. "I don't know if sad's the right word. It's weird. When I found him I was pretty sure this was going to happen, but I'm disappointed, anyway", he admitted. 

Chopper sniffled. "I know. I was always expecting this to happen, this is why I warned Sanji so much not to do this and all the rules, and I always told myself not to get attached to little monster, because the chances were too slim… but now…" Tears were gathering in the little doctor's eyes and he sniffled again. 

Zoro was just about to reach for the little doctor to try and comfort him a little when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. "Hey look at that", he said instead. 

"What?" 

Zoro pointed at the bag which was a bit fuller than it had been, and more importantly the yellow liquid that was slowly making its way down the tube. 

"Yes!" Chopper yelled and jumped up on his chair. "I knew you could do it Sanji!" To which Zoro didn't know what to say, because, well… he'd never really figured he'd get excited about someone peeing. "Good job!", Chopper yelled. 

Then he slumped back down on his chair and let out a sigh. "This is really good, I was really worried about the dialysis…" the little reindeer rubbed his forehead. He looked absolutely exhausted by now. 

"You should get some sleep", Zoro suggested. 

"No, I need to stay here", Chopper protested, even as a gigantic yawn ripped free from him. 

"I can keep watch, you can sleep on the couch in the galley and I'll wake you if anything happens", Zoro suggested. Chopper looked like he was about to protest before Zoro was even done speaking, but then he slumped a little. 

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, I guess. But you definitely have to wake me", Chopper said. He pointed at a screen next to the bed. "If this thing starts beeping, get me immediately. Or if any of those numbers get a lot higher or lower than they are right now. Or if that line starts looking different. It'll probably beep in all of those cases, but keep an eye on it, anyway", he instructed. "Also, get me if he wakes up. I don't think he will, tonight, it's probably going to happen sometime tomorrow, but still." 

"Alright, I can do that", Zoro said. Chopper hopped off his chair and went to the door connecting the galley and the infirmary.

"It's really important that you get me if something changes, even if it doesn't look important, okay?", Chopper insisted. 

"I promise I'll wake you for irrelevant stuff", Zoro said. 

"And relevant stuff, too!" 

"Yes, of course. Now go to sleep, I'll look at the piss some more." 

* * *

Looking at someone not doing anything was pretty damn boring, as it turned out. And even two hours later it still felt weird looking at the bag of pee, even if he wasn't directly looking at the cook pissing. 

Still, sitting here looking after Sanji was infinitely preferable to sitting outside and waiting, even though the distance was pretty small. 

The shape of the line on the screen hadn't changed, the numbers had stayed pretty much constant and there hadn't been anything else to wake Chopper for, either.

He'd probably be in for a long nap sometime during the day, but for now he had no trouble staying awake. He still wasn't really tired, though. His thoughts kept drifting back to little monster, and how he'd been getting used to the idea of becoming a father, weird though the situation was. 

Initially he'd mostly been trying to do the right thing, and he'd been convinced that Sanji risking his life for this wasn't it. But by now he'd secretly been interested in seeing what a child of his and the cook's would look like. 

She'd have been a handful, that was for sure. Combining both his and the cook's stubborn streaks and tempers… it was a recipe for disaster. And damn, not getting to see it was pretty disappointing. 

A mild groan took Zoro out of his deliberations, and he was shocked to see Sanji pushing the oxygen mask from his face. 

"Huh…" the cook said weakly. "Still alive." Zoro stood up 

"So it seems. How you feeling?", Zoro said. It looked like Sanji wanted to sit up, so he put a hand on his shoulder to keep him lying down. 

"Like I imagine a steak feels after being tenderized", Sanji mumbled, making a move to sit up again, but Zoro pushed him down by the shoulder again. Which was way easier than it should've been. 

"I should go tell Chopper you're awake. Stay down, you'll tear your stitches", Zoro said and turned around to go to the door leading to the galley. 

"Wait", the cook said weakly and Zoro turned back to him. "What happened to little monster?" For a moment Zoro wanted to point out that Sanji was the one always insisting on not calling her that. But he knew it wasn't the right moment for that. 

"I should get Chopper", Zoro repeated. He turned away from that partially worried and partially hopeful look on the cook's face. He didn't want to be the one to crush that hope. 

"Just tell me", Sanji whispered, with a slight quiver in his voice. Probably because he already knew how this was going to turn out. Zoro looked back up at the cook. Pushing this off on Chopper wasn't right either, even if the little doctor thought it was his responsibility. 

Zoro shook his head. "It was too late for her." 

He could see Sanji's expression crumbling. The cook scrunched his eyes shut and noisily inhaled. When the first sob came, Zoro was glad he hadn't left this to Chopper. The little reindeer probably wouldn't have been able to handle this too well. 

Not that the swordsman could claim that this left him completely unaffected either. He did his best to push those feelings down, though. 

Sanji looked like the absolute picture of misery, still pale and sweaty and disheveled, and now crying. 

Really, Zoro should get Chopper, he'd promised to wake him if the cook woke, but just walking out and leaving Sanji all alone with this felt even more wrong. 

He closed the distance between himself and Sanji and carefully gathered him up against his chest. It took him a moment not to tangle himself in the iv lines still attached to the cook. 

"Go away, I don't want your pity", Sanji mumbled into the swordsman's shirt. He pushed at Zoro weakly, and the swordsman was struck by how cold the cook's hands were for a moment. 

"It's not pity, it's support", Zoro mumbled. The cook stilled for a moment, seemingly considering this, and then the hand trying to push him away curled into Zoro's shirt instead. 

Zoro could feel tears soaking through his shirt. He didn't know if maybe he should try to say something comforting now, but he couldn't think of a single thing that would make any of this better, so he chose to remain quiet. 

"I knew this was gonna happen. I mean this is exactly what Chopper was always worried about. From the beginning I always said I was gonna give it a try, I knew the chances were slim, I knew this could happen. I thought I was prepared for that, then why does it hurt so bad, anyway?", Sanji said into Zoro's shirt. It sounded muffled through the fabric, but the swordsman could understand it pretty well, anyway. It pretty much mimicked his own thoughts on the matter, anyway. 

That didn't mean he had any answer to it. 

So he kept quiet instead, and really hoped that what he was doing was at least somewhat helpful, because he really had no idea what he was doing. Comforting people was not something that came easily to him. 

It wasn't long before the crying seized, though, and Zoro saw that the cook was asleep again. He didn't have a lot of energy to waste at this moment. 

Zoro carefully lowered the cook back to the bed. This time he did fix the part on the cook's hair, before finding the oxygen mask and putting it back on. Then he pulled the blanket back up to Sanji's shoulders. 

He let out a sigh. None of those things really felt like he was helping, if he was honest. He really had no idea what he was doing. 

But at least the cook was alive and didn't seem all that brain damaged, and his kidneys were working. 

He tugged at the blanket one last time before finally turning around and going to wake Chopper. 

Amazing how even trying to help was making him feel so powerless.


	7. Chapter 7

Five days later Sanji was allowed to leave the infirmary but not do much. He'd hung around on deck for a while, but he hadn't been able to handle the pitying looks of his crewmates after a while, so he'd gone below deck and now he was sitting on the floor in front of the adorable little crib that Franky and Usopp had built. 

Looking at it made him feel like crying but he figured they'd want to reuse the wood at some point, since it wasn't being used, so he might as well look at it while he still could. 

He felt pathetic. Wasn't he supposed to be a tough guy? Where had the pathetic shadow of a man that started crying at the slightest provocation even come from, and could he please leave? 

His nakama had all visited him several times while he was in the infirmary, trying to comfort him, but he kind of wished they hadn't. Because they'd all seen the way his composure just crumbled whenever he was reminded what happened and that was pretty much all the time. He didn't want to be seen sobbing his heart out but everyone had. They'd all been nice about it, but he felt humiliated anyway. 

He should've said something when he'd noticed that no one had stayed on the ship. He shouldn't have thought that it wasn't a big deal and that he could take care of himself. _I'm pregnant, not an invalid_ , had been his reasoning because he was a stupid fucking idiot. 

Or he could've just let the shitty bounty hunter shoot him in the head because then at least he wouldn't have to deal with all of these feelings now. 

Chopper had tried to tell him it wasn't really his fault. That the damage indicated the situation had already been more dangerous than Chopper had thought from the image because those weren't completely accurate. It probably could've happened during an every day activity, too. There wasn't really much of a chance of a different outcome. And he was apparently really lucky that Zoro had gotten back to the ship when he did, because otherwise he probably wouldn't have made it either. 

He didn't feel particularly lucky.

He felt like he'd killed her, like it was his mistake alone that made it turn out like that, no matter how much the odds had been against him from the start. 

When he'd decided he was going to keep her he'd honestly thought he was giving it a shot. That the important part was trying, even if he might not succeed. He'd hoped for the best, but he'd thought that if it didn't work out he'd be fine, knowing that he'd done the best he could to keep her. 

But now he wasn't fine at all. He hadn't expected that losing her would hit him like this, but now he realized how delusional he'd been. Initially the whole pregnancy had just been an idea, a tough decision. But over the course of it it had turned from a tough decision to a person. His initial reluctance to end an innocent life had given way to his love for a little girl that hadn't even been born yet. 

Honestly he hadn't even realized how much love he'd already sent her way, how intricately she was already attached to his soul, before losing her had ripped his heart open and all the stitches in the world couldn't stop it from bleeding all over the floor. 

He regretted that he hadn't gotten around to giving her a name, because now it was too late and he was stuck thinking of her as 'little monster'. But it had turned from a vaguely insulting moniker to a term of affection, at least for him, and he suspected that was the case for the rest of the crew, too. 

But he wasn't sure if anyone else on the crew really understood him right now. All of them were sorry that it hadn't worked out, but it seemed like they were mostly sorry for how it affected him, and not because they were sad about little monster herself.

Which was fine, he was happy that they cared about how he felt and they'd all told him how glad they were that he'd made it, but having it all focused on him, his well being… It made him feel kind of alone, because he wasn't worrying about himself at all, he was missing his little girl. And it seemed like he was the only one. 

He wasn't sure what Zoro felt about the whole thing, he'd barely seen him ever since that night when he'd woken up and the swordsman had said these words that had made the cook fall apart. But Zoro had never wanted children, so maybe it was easier for him to distance himself. 

Maybe Sanji should've distanced himself, too. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt this much. 

Instead he'd been imagining things he could teach her, things he could show her, wondering how she'd look, and how angry she'd be when he scared the bejeezus out of her first boyfriend. 

He should've been focussing on staying healthy, doing his best to get through the pregnancy and not gotten ahead of himself. Instead he'd jumped right in, scenarios of a cute little girl playing on the lawn deck, calling him papa,  her eyes lighting up when she found her own dream to pursue had filled his head and letting go of all of these was so difficult. 

She would've been magnificent. That, at least, he was certain of. No matter what she'd have ended up looking like, no matter which choices she made and where her life would have ended up leading her, she'd have been amazing. 

What would her first words have been? Traditionally papa, of course, but growing up on this boat there was nothing to guarantee it wouldn't have been "meat" "super" or "yohohoho". Hell it might've ended up being the Sogeking song…

"Oh, so that's where you are", a gruff voice said and Sanji looked up. He saw the Marimo standing in front of him, gave a sigh, and looked back at the crib. He didn't really have anything to say to the green headed man right now. Nothing that wouldn't make him cry again, at least, but again, he was an empty bucket, so he couldn't. 

"What are you down here for?", Zoro asked, sitting down next to the cook.

"Just… I don't know, remembering? I assume Franky's gonna want to reuse the wood at some point, so I thought I'd look at it again", Sanji explained. 

"Hm", Zoro grunted noncommittally. "Chopper said he's done with the test." 

Sanji looked up briefly at that. Apparently Chopper had guessed that Zoro was the other involved party in little monster's creation and had run a test on whether or not she was really related to either of them. 

Chopper had looked really uncomfortable when he'd told him that he'd figured it out and to please not be mad, but Sanji really hadn't minded all that much. A week ago knowing that someone knew about his one time involvement with the marimo would've turned him into a ball of utterly mortified cook, but right now it seemed like such an insignificant concern that he hadn't been able to muster much interest in it. 

Chopper had known he'd done it with someone, anyway, and aside from Sanji finding himself some burly man with a thing for blondes on shore leave (the thought alone made Sanji shudder) it had to have been someone on the crew, and from there it had probably been easy to narrow down. Chopper knew it wasn't him, and Sanji didn't know if that was even possible, Brook was definitely impossible, Luffy just… no, not a realistic candidate at all. 

Which basically left Usopp, Franky and the Marimo, and taking into account the way Zoro had suddenly offered his help on all the kitchen work it was probably not that difficult a deduction to make. Not to mention that Sanji wasn't even sure that Franky would be fertile what with all the robot enhancements, not to mention that thing Robin-chan had done to him. Which Sanji didn't really want to think about any further. 

He didn't really want the rest of the crew knowing, but considering his empty bucket state of mind at the moment he probably wouldn't have been able to muster a big reaction even if the marimo were to shout it over the loud speaker. 

Which he wasn't going to do, anyway, so why worry? 

"It's done already?", Sanji asked absently. "I thought it would take longer." Chopper had said that the test was complicated, and then he'd tried to explain about restriction enzymes and polymorphisms and genetic markers and the cook had just sort of accepted that as "it's complicated". 

"Yeah, he hasn't looked at the results, yet, though, so if you want to change your mind you still can", Zoro said. 

"I don't think so", Sanji said. "Knowing she's not mine probably wouldn't make this better, anyway. And I don't know that knowing she was would make it worse. Don't think it can be much worse, so why not be sure?"

Zoro nodded. They stayed like that, quiet, for a while. Sanji wasn't sure why the swordsman was still there if he'd just wanted to tell Sanji about the test, but it didn't matter much. The silence was surprisingly comfortable. 

Maybe her first word would've been "lion" or "sunny", he mused as he looked at the crib again. Or maybe "fish".

"How you holding up?", Zoro asked after a while. Sanji looked over at the swordsman, but he was looking at the crib. He considered answering "fine" like normal people did, but he didn't really feel like lying to his crewmate. 

"Badly", he admitted. "I just… I can't stop myself from imagining all these things that could've been, and those just make me upset because I'm never going to see them happen in real life but… I just can't help it." 

Zoro didn't say anything to that, and for some reason Sanji took that as an invitation to continue. 

"She would've been beautiful", he said wistfully. 

"Even with green hair?", the marimo asked, a playful tone in his voice. Well, playful was good. Better than the regret in Sanji's own or the pity he'd heard in most everyone else's. 

"Green hair doesn't have to look as horrible as it does on you on everyone", Sanji said. "Caimie has green hair, and she's gorgeous, I'm sure little monster could've rocked that look." 

"You're really calling her little monster now? After how much you got on everyone's case to stop that all the time?", Zoro asked. 

"Well, I didn't give her any other name, and it's too late to slap one on now. So little monster it is, I guess." 

"You know I was gonna suggest calling her 'Kuina'", Zoro said, not looking directly at the cook. 

"Sounds pretty. But why?" 

Zoro took a breath and seemed a bit reluctant to answer, but then finally said, "She was a girl back at my old dojo. We made a promise that one of us was going to become the world's greatest swordsman." He paused a moment before continuing. "But she died." 

"I'm sorry", Sanji said. He had a feeling there was more to the story, but he didn't really feel like prying. It was the first time he'd ever really heard Zoro talk about his past other than a few things from his bounty hunter days, mostly told by Johnny and Yosaku. Probably best to let that stand on it's own rather than letting curiosity take him over. 

"It was a long time ago. I don't know if I'd really want to call my daughter after her, but I was thinking about it", Zoro said. 

Sanji didn't really know what to say to that, so he stayed quiet. For some reason it made him feel a little better that Zoro had thought like that about her. 

"She'd have been amazing. You know, growing up here, on this ship around these people. She definitely would have been special", Sanji said after a moment. "There were probably going to be boys falling for her left and right when she got older. And I do not envy the guy who would've been her first boyfriend. I would've been horrible to him. _Horrible._ She probably would've asked me to be nice, and I would've been horrible anyway… Well maybe if he cared about her enough he would've come back after." 

"No. He wouldn't have", Zoro grunted. 

"What? You think he wouldn't have cared about little monster enough?", Sanji asked, scandalized. "Little monster definitely would have been worth his affection!" 

"Well, maybe, but after you were through with him, I would've given him a stern talking to, and I just don't think guys who shit their pants really would've been her type", Zoro explained with a grin. Sanji let out a laugh, and as he grinned at the swordsman he found himself vaguely wondering when the last time he'd smiled was. 

Probably a week ago. 

"Don't give yourself too much credit, marimo, he would've shit his pants when I talked to him already." 

"Oh come on. I'm way scarier than you", Zoro said. 

"No you're not, asshole, where'd you get that idea?" 

"Well let's see, you come onto a boat with a lion's head and there's a well dressed blond cook and there's a swordsman with three swords and a missing eye, which one are you more scared of?", Zoro asked. 

"It's not all about appearance marimo, my threats would have been very eloquent and horrifying." 

"Sure, but if he'd shat himself in your kitchen he wouldn't be coming back at all because you'd kick him to the bottom of the ocean", Zoro said. 

Which was a surprisingly good point. 

"Maybe", Sanji conceded. But then he reminded himself that this was completely irrelevant because none of that would ever happen.

"You know, I had this idea that when she was old enough she'd go out to sea on her own, to find her own dreams, her own crew, or if she didn't want to be a pirate go to some island find true love or whatever else she was looking for…", Sanji trailed off wistfully. 

"Not a pirate? You're kidding, right? You know she would've been such a trouble maker she was gonna have her own bounty before she's two", Zoro protested. Sanji had to chuckle at that. 

"Yeah, maybe. But you know, once she went out, to do whatever, she'd sometimes tell people that she grew up on the ship of the pirate king and no one would believe her at first. But then they'd see her in action and see how amazing she was, and realize, that, yes, of course. Growing up on the pirate king's ship is hardly the most incredible thing about her. Kinda like it is with Luffy, when you first meet him no one believes that he's going to be the pirate king and then you see what he does you just know that he will be, come hell or high water." 

Zoro let out a little amused snort at that. 

"Well, anyway, I mostly came to drop this off", the swordsman said, holding up an envelope that Sanji hadn't noticed before. 

"What? Drop off what, where?", Sanji asked, because, well, all the mail they sent out, which wasn't a lot, was collected in the girl's cabin because Nami took care of the newspaper subscription which was also their connection to the mail system. 

"Why don't you have a look?", Zoro asked, and stood up. He walked over to the crib, and Sanji could do nothing but stare in puzzlement as he placed the letter inside. 

"What are you doing?", Sanji asked, confused. He stood up and followed the marimo. 

"It's probably easier for you to see than for me to explain", Zoro said. Sanji came to a stop next to him and saw eight envelopes arranged around the pillow. 

"What is that?", he asked, his hand hovering over one, uncertain if he should take it. 

"You can read them, if you want to", Zoro said. Sanji raised and eyebrow at him, but did as he was told, picking one of the envelopes at random and opening it to find a letter inside. 

" _Dear little monster",_ it read, in Nami's precise handwriting that was trained from writing on maps. 

" _You know, if you'd been born, I'm probably the one person on the ship who would've been harshest on you, you know, teaching you discipline, not letting you get away with everything._

_But you have to know that doesn't mean I'd have loved you any less than the others. I just think it's important for a child to have some boundaries, and I just know your daddy was going to spoil you rotten, so someone had to counterbalance. Let's be honest, most everyone else was going to spoil you rotten, too._

_And I know you'd have liked everyone else better, but keep in mind, a successful pirate girl has to know the rules before she can break them. Also there's some secrets I was going to tell you about how to deal with men that I'm sure your daddy wouldn't have liked you knowing, but that would've been our little secret ;)_

_I'm really sad that I'm not going to meet you now. But just know that even if you didn't get to see us, you made everyone on this boat really excited, and you were loved, no matter how short your time with us was._

_Love,_

_Nami"_

_"_ Franky's not gonna be reusing the wood", Zoro said with a slight smirk, but Sanji couldn't even begin to think of a reply. Instead he reached back into the crib and pulled out the next envelope.

That one contained a drawing in crayon, evidently by Luffy, showing Sanji and his daughter, both helpfully labeled, and with swirly eyebrows and a simple caption of " _Miss you, little monster :(_ "

The next one turned out to be sheet music. Sanji couldn't quite make out the melody in his head from reading the notes, he wasn't good enough for that, but he realized from the lyrics that it was a song he'd never heard before. It looked like Brook had composed it specifically for little monster. Sanji would have to ask him to play it some time. 

It was only when he saw a drop appear on the second page of the epic tale of " _Great Captain Usopp and Little Monster Show the Giant Goldfish what's what_ " that he realized he was crying. Apparently he'd been wrong, he still had some tears left. 

But for some reason these didn't hurt like the ones before.

He looked up and saw that Zoro wasn't there anymore, but that didn't matter much. He was alone in the room now, but he felt so much more connected than he had all the days before. He wasn't alone with what he was feeling, the others cared about little monster, too, and knowing that somehow made him hurt less and cry more. He couldn't really explain it. 

As he eagerly opened the next envelope he found himself wondering what he'd done to deserve meeting such an absolutely perfect group of people. The whole idea was so perfect and even without seeing them he knew that each crew member's contribution was absolutely spot on. 

He'd have to start writing his own letter once he was done reading. 

* * *

Chopper fidgeted a bit as he looked at his equipment, which looked like his desk had been eaten by chemical factory run by midgets. There was stuff reminding Sanji of test tubes, except that they were tiny, and most of the other stuff he didn't even begin to understand. 

But apparently all of that would tell Chopper if little monster was really Sanji's baby or not. And it looked like Chopper was really nervous about finding out. 

Sanji himself was feeling on a much more even keel, now. After reading the letters, having a good cry, being found by Franky who proceeded to join him in his good cry (because if there was anyone you could count on to support you in crying it was Franky, who of course just had something in his eye) and then writing his own letter, he felt like he'd found his balance again, somewhat. 

He wasn't completely fine, and he suspected he wouldn't be for quite a while, but before he'd felt like he'd been run over by a marine warship and was sinking rapidly and now he knew there were hands grabbing him, pulling him back up. He knew he could count on them to get him back up to the daylight. 

"Okay, um, so, you're sure you want to know?", Chopper asked, turning to Sanji who was sitting on the bed, because he wasn't supposed to move around too much with his stitches. 

"Yes", Sanji answered evenly. Maybe there was a slight trepidation to his voice, but that didn't change his resolve. Knowing was better than not knowing. The marimo next to him just nodded, and even if the cook would've been loath to admit it, his calming steady presence was helpful. 

"Alright. She's yours", Chopper said, looking like he was expecting a bomb to explode. Sanji let out a breath he'd only been half aware of holding and leaned back on the cot. He also hadn't been aware of leaning forward. 

"What do you mean?" Zoro asked. "Do you mean she's his, or ours?"

"Both of yours", Chopper said. So Sanji had been right. Right at the beginning when he'd made the case for her, he'd thought of her as his, and it was true. She would've been his no matter whose genetics she stemmed from, but somehow this made it more firm, more clear. 

His. And Zoro's, too. Maybe this also meant that this whole mess could've been avoided if he and Zoro hadn't gotten drunk that one night, but there was no way they could've known that in advance so Sanji chose not to worry about it. 

Because his imagination was busy conjuring up the image of a little baby girl with ridiculously swirly green eyebrows that looked like two enthusiastic caterpillars chasing each other and green fuzz on her head and a smile like sunshine. And she'd have been gorgeous no matter what. 

But she was gone now. She was dead, and maybe that was his fault or maybe she'd never had a chance from the very beginning, but no matter which was true she was banished to the realm of hypotheticals now. 

He hadn't really noticed that he'd started crying until Zoro wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him against his chest sort of sideways. He must've been looking really pathetic again, but then he felt like it, too, so who cared. 

"You were right", Chopper wailed and suddenly Sanji found himself with a lap full of crying furry doctor. 

"You were right and I'm so sorry I couldn't save her, I'm really sorry, for both of you, I'm soooo sorry", he cried and Sanji knew there were tears soaking into his blue hoody, which he wasn't all that worried about. 

He just patted Chopper on the head and pulled him a little closer, because he couldn't really think of anything to say. He didn't blame Chopper, he knew he'd done his best, and all the odds had been against them. 

And maybe, at some point sooner or later, he'd be able to stop blaming himself, too.

* * *

Another few days later Sanji was finally allowed to get back into the kitchen, and standing at the stove he felt much more like himself again. 

And one thing that made him even more like himself again was the cigarette in his hands. 

Chopper had protested, had told him why not at least quit smoking as a positive result of this whole thing, but Sanji hadn't shared that opinion. He wasn't sure if he'd take anything positive away from this whole thing, maybe the realization that his nakama were awesome, but he'd already known that, and the only other thing he'd gotten was heart broken, and he couldn't find any way to put a positive spin on that. 

What he wanted right now was to find a way to get back to normal, to not be a bucket of tears either empty or spilling over, and there was nothing he would consider more normal for himself than smoking. 

So he lit up with a flourish even if no one saw him do it. He savored that first drag and then slowly blew the smoke out, watching the little stream rise up. 

Much better.

He felt a little more like himself again already.

He moved over to the fridge to start taking out ingredients. He had something simple but tasty in mind, trying to balance both Chopper's instruction not to overdo it on his first day on the job and his own intention to show his nakama how much he appreciated them. 

He'd just loaded himself up with a bunch of stuff and slammed the refrigerator door shut with his elbow when he heard the galley door open and close. 

"Food's not ready yet", Sanji said absently, putting his load on the counted. 

"I know", Zoro's gruff voice said. 

"And there's no sake before lunch, marimo, have some class", Sanji said. 

"I wasn't looking for any. You need help?", he asked. Sanji turned to look at him. He stood somewhat awkwardly at the central island, which was rare for the usually so self assured swordsman.

"You don't have to do that any more", Sanji said. "I can handle this on my own." 

"I know I don't have to", Zoro said. "But maybe I want to." With that he looked off to the side seemingly avoiding eye contact. Which was beyond weird. 

"What, you're suddenly into cooking? Trying to threaten my job, Marimo?", Sanji asked playfully. He wasn't sure what sort of odd mood had taken over the swordsman, but maybe acting completely normal would make it go away. 

"It's not the cooking", Zoro mumbled. 

"What?" 

"Well maybe I just like spending time with you, okay?", Zoro snapped and Sanji's eyes widened both at the sudden loud tone and the content of the statement. 

"What?", Sanji said again. 

"It's…", Zoro started, but then stopped again. The swordsman looked uncomfortable and close to just bolting out the door, but there was a certain determination there, and Sanji had no idea where this was supposed to go. 

"Did you hit your head or something?", Sanji asked, but then he doubted any hit to the head could do much damage to the swordsman's thick skull, but he couldn't come up with any other theory as to what was going on. 

"No", the swordsman grumbled as he took a few steps closer. "It's…" he trailed off again. 

"If you're not gonna make sense then I'm just gonna focus on doing my job, okay?", Sanji said, turning to the stove and taking a drag from his cigarette.

Only to find a hand on his chin turning him back in the marimo's direction. And before he could make sense of that, he found chapped sun dried lips pressed gently to his own. 

It was over before Sanji had any chance to process that, and it left the cook gaping like a fish.

"Wuh…?", he inquired eloquently. The first coherent thought that crossed his mind was that Zoro had been smart to wait for a moment where he didn't have the cigarette between his lips. Which was fairly stupid as far as coherent thoughts went, but it was the first, anyway. 

"Look, I know this isn't your thing, I know you were drunk, but I'm just gonna tell you, 'cause you should know, I'm not expecting anything from you, it's just…" 

Zoro took a deep breath, and that was probably the sort of pause that would've allowed Sanji to say something but he couldn't come up with anything because he was pretty sure his thoughts were lagging like half a minute behind. 

"It wasn't just a one time thing, okay? Well it was, but it didn't have to be. For me, anyway. And with this whole thing, it… it could be more. You and me. But it doesn't have to. But I thought you should know." 

It took Sanji more than a moment to untangle what Zoro was really getting at, mostly because his thoughts still hadn't quite caught up, but when he realized what exactly Zoro was saying, what exactly he was offering it hit Sanji like a ton of bricks. 

He'd never even considered that Zoro had any other opinion about the whole thing than it being a drunken mistake. Because he himself had tried very hard not to read anything further into it. 

He'd assumed that Zoro was, as he'd said, taking responsibility for the mistake he'd made when he'd been helping him around the kitchen, he'd assumed the swordsman was being a stand up guy about a fucked up situation and had taken that without scrutinizing it further. 

But he also remembered strong arms pulling him in when he'd felt like the loss of little monster was shattering him into a million little pieces. He remembered how he'd quietly always been there, and how he'd always attributed that to him taking care of little monster. 

But then he'd argued against keeping her out of concern for him. He hadn't interpreted any actions the swordsman had taken towards him during the pregnancy as being aimed at him but rather at little monster, but he'd been wrong. 

Sure, it had been about little monster, but not exclusively. And according to what he said, whatever the swordsman was feeling towards the cook hadn't even started with the pregnancy. 

There was a strange fluttering feeling in Sanji's stomach as he considered that. 

The whole idea was crazy, of course. Sanji was a ladies' man, with his heart and soul. Strange fluttering feelings had no business being aimed at burly green moss headed swordsmen. That was just ludicrous. Even if he'd had fun that night. Even if the thought of maybe doing something like that again was sort of exciting. 

And even discounting that Zoro was a man, which was a pretty damn big thing to discount, there was the fact that they barely got along most of the time. And they were nakama so should they start something which would inevitably crash and burn, it would undoubtedly have messy consequences and not be good for the atmosphere on the ship. 

But against all of his reservations another thought surfaced. Maybe something positive could come from this mess, after all. And that filled him with a sense of optimism he'd been missing for a long time. 

Zoro was looking off to the side, seemingly angry with himself, but there was a slight blush on his cheeks and Sanji felt like laughing at that. He didn't, though. 

Well he wasn't quite in his right mind right now, was he? He'd just been through something traumatic, he was emotionally vulnerable. And his hormones were all still out of whack from being pregnant, so really, he wasn't in any state to make emotional decisions. 

But deep down he knew all of these were excuses. Flimsy ones, at best. And maybe this was a horrible idea, but damn, right this moment it felt like a pretty good one, fears and consequences be damned. 

A smile slowly spread across his lips. 

And then he leaned in to kiss the marimo back. 

The End. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I've originally published this on Fanfiction.net, the story is already done, but I thought it might be nice to cross post it here for readers that prefer this site. 
> 
> I'm a medical student and the idea of mpreg fascinates me, but most mpreg I saw left so many glaring questions open that I felt the need to do my own take on it. I mentally dub this the mpreg for people who don't like mpreg. At least if you don't like mpreg for the same reasons I never liked it, I suppose. 
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think about this, thanks for reading!


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